4:00 AM on November 17th has come and gone without so much as a butterfly fart at the Washington monument - this despite the "striking" window of Sirius at exactly 33* elevation and an azimuth of exactly 195* (19.5). But don't go cooling pies on your window sills just yet America, for as the folks at the Enterprise Mission warn us, "...even if the 17th comes and goes... and nothing happens, there will still be other "windows" coming... We must seriously (or Siriusly) start looking NOW..." Okay, good, solid advice, even though I still have a hard time visualizing Bush-lite as a "Horus-avenger." As for the continued Holy War between the Assassins and the Templars, according to the EM team, " Bush's use of the word "Crusade" repeatedly in the days and weeks following the Sept. 11th attacks could only have been deliberate and intentional... and directed at bin Laden." So, then where does MADD fit into the scheme? I always hear them saying that they're on a "crusade" against drunk driving. Not only that, but I recently got something in the mail asking for donations as part of a crusade to feed the hungry. So, even the homeless are involved. It makes you wonder just how deep the conspiracy runs. And stupid me, I always thought the use of the word "crusade" here was just a generic term. Regarding my mild rebuttal to the EM essay, one scientist who e-mailed me thought it (or Hoagland in particular) was "an amazing study in self-actualization - that if you look hard enough, you can find what isn't there." I also received this from an A&P mechanic: "The 747 wasn't hijacked because it is a much older, larger and therefore harder to fly aircraft... Also, in a 747, there are more passengers and, therefore, more chances for their plan to go wrong." Ah yes, Occam's Razor at work, once again: One should not increase, beyond what is necessary, the number of entities required to explain anything.

No cigar also to the folks at the "Delphi Associates Newsletter - Tomorrow's headlines today." This is the project of "America's psychic, Sean David Morton, although now days, Sean likes to disassociate himself from the term psychic, preferring, instead, to be known by the more high-tech, scientific term of "remote viewer", with his "network of psychics" now calling themselves "intuitive consultants." Call it whatever you want, but they still missed big on their latest prediction as it appeared in their newsletter. When asked to predict the next big terrorist event, evidently, Sean's class of spiritual remote viewers were "seeing" visions of things like the crowded stadium of a sporting event, giant rattlesnakes, helicopter activity (including the spraying of something on the terrified spectators), a fiery explosion of sorts, people in COSTUMES in the crowd, and a rising FULL MOON. Their interpretation of these visions (posted in the Delphi Associates newsletter - which has since been taken down) was that - as a Halloween full moon rose over Yankee stadium, game three of the World Series between the N.Y. Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks (hence the giant rattlesnake) would be targeted by the terrorists, perhaps, with a helicopter spraying the crowd with chemical or biological weapons. Well, as it turned out, game three wasn't even played on Halloween with a full moon watching for free. Instead, it was played the night before as most of us regular folks knew by consulting nothing more oracular than our local T.V. guide. This was so George W. could attend, the President throwing a strike (making up for his last ceremonial first pitch which bounced in the dirt on its way to home plate.) Even without any technical remote viewing skills, it was a no-brainer that the terrorists wouldn't attack the series. Not with 1,200 cops assigned to the event, or as someone said, "more guns inside Yankee Stadium than outside."

When I recently e-mailed Sean to find out why his "network of psychics" - excuse me, I mean, "intuitive consultants" missed this one, Sean (much to his credit) replied with the following: "They described every circumstance around the event, which they ALSO predicted, giving the TEAMS, THE LOCATION and the DATES the games would take place. Even the red rockets of the fireworks, the choppers and the giant B-52 BOMBER which swooped the stadium. In all fairness, there were a number of people who SAW A PLANE CRASH with a BURNING RED FIREBALL at the center, crashing into a group of people IN NEW YORK, WHICH HAPPENED ON NOV. 13! We took the people who saw the plane crash, and grouped them with the people who saw something at the game... so there you go. This is not an exact science... yet!"

My advice to Sean would be this: When you get all the bugs worked out, get your class to target bin Laden and cash in big on that 25 million-dollar bounty on his bearded mug. Other remote viewers like Major Ed Danes should do the same. That way, they won't have to sell so many videos on their websites like so many bottles of 21st-century snake oil. And if bin Laden proves to be too tough, the Amazing Randi will give you (best Austin Powers accent please...) ONE MILLION DOLLARS if can guess what's in his safe.

Personally, I'm not yet convinced of the validity of remote viewing, although I certainly don't rule out the possibility of developing such psychic abilities in the human brain. But as for the now famous government experiments as recounted by Ingo Swan and others, I have a different take on just what the folks at military intel (or whatever alphabet-soup agency was involved) were really doing behind closed doors.

Lets say we have a class of remote viewers who are asked to try and locate a specific target (such as, say, a missile silo) - this being an experiment to see how many "hits" would be scored. But what if, instead of using their psychic abilities to see visions, something of a more technical nature was being employed. What if the remote viewers themselves were the unwitting victims of an ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT EXPERIMENT involving some kind of implanted biochip technology (yes, ala the black helicopter crowd - now you know why I dedicated this to the paranoid (?) rantings of William Cooper) that was placed in our group of remote viewers without their knowledge. Suppose further, that on the other side of the wall, the target (an image of the missile silo) was beamed to them via a resonance maser or other high-tech device. In this way, the real experiment would be to test the accuracy of the technology WITHOUT our human guinea pigs ever knowing they had the biochips lodged in their brains - they believing all along that the visions seen were from their psychic abilities. Now I ask you, doesn't this sound more like something the guys at military intel would be fooling around with - rather than trying to develop psychic abilities - something which they could not have COMPLETE CONTROL OF?

Predictably, first out of the chute to try and capitalize on the tragic events of Sept 11th was David Icke. However, what he had to say is not worth even mentioning.

That brings us to Nostradamus, that remote viewer of antiquity. For those interested, I'm inclined to share the opinion of a few others that, rather than Nostradamus being a prophet, he was what we'd call today a secret agent whose cryptic quatrains were ciphers containing messages involving political intrigues, military dispatches, etc. Of all the predictions of the events of 9-11, the only ones I give any credit to are those of writer Martin Keating. Several years ago I had read his novel of international terrorism entitled "THE FINAL JIHAD." At the time I had a do-it-yourself spiral-bound copy with a cover that stated that the book was being suppressed by the intelligence community. And know I know why - for he came the closest to describing the 9-11 scenario. Keating's not a psychic or remote viewer, but uses a process known as "predictive analysis" based on actual intelligence gathered by espionage operatives all over the world. Perhaps for this reason the novel was hauntingly accurate (despite the 04, 01, 1996 publishing date). In fact, it is said to be the actual blueprint of the terrorists, which is why all of us should now, and in the coming months, FEAR UMBRELLAS!!!

Finally, I received this e-mail from someone who got into the spirit of the game: "Just finished reading the October newsletter and wanted to point out something that you missed. In the picture from the Stations at Rennes, notice that:

1. the portion of the cross adjacent to Christ's back is of a different color than the rest of the cross, and is in fact diamond-shaped.
   
2. There are 7 faces in the painting.
   
3. The portion of the cross below the sleeve is not an equilateral pentagon like the Pentagon. It's actually shaped precisely like - you guessed it - home plate.

The meaning is clear: 'In the year that the Twin Towers fall, the Diamondbacks will win the World Series in game 7.' Too bad the picture you show is so small - I'm sure the one in the middle is a dead ringer for Roger Clemens..."

ONCE IN A BLUE MOON
Although Maynard announced him as the first runner-up in the Australian make-a-wish foundation, joining Danny and Tool during "Triad" at the Halloween show in San Diego was none other than our own Sasha Popovic, an excellent drummer in his own right. In a future issue, I'll tell you about Sash's other talent - this one involving the deadly blue-ringed octopus from down under.

STATIK
At Irvine on the following night, Collide's Statik performed with Tool, enhancing the live version of "Triad" much like he did on the studio version. As he did his thing on stage, his musical partner kaRIN (who happened to be sitting next to me) attempted to capture the moment by taking a barrage of photos with her body contorted in positions that would have made Osseus Labyrint envious. For the uninitiated, Collide's latest CD is "Chasing the Ghost." If you want more info (and you should), check out their website at www.collide.net.

TOOL CHEF, RYAN SOLIEN
(Including as a bonus the recipe for the band's favorite dish on the road)

In my wanderings to find the mother-load of Red Stripe at the Irvine show, I soon learned that the object of my quest was in a cooler under the awning where Tool's personal chef, Ryan Solien, was set up. After watching him prepare the evening's meal, I thought it might be cool to do a bit on him. Ryan, (age 33, a good symbolic number for Tool), a transplant from Kansas City, is a graduate of the prestigious California Culinary Academy in San Francisco. Although it was there that received his training, he got the Tool gig by "auditioning" at parties up at Danny's manse.

In fact, although Danny and the other band members were convinced of his culinary skills right off the bat, they had him cook on several occasions "just to be sure" as Danny used to say with a sly grin. I still remember the Southwestern chicken with roasted corn chipote at one such party. There was so much of it that we had to invite the Pygmy Love Circus up to help out. Even after midnight second helpings with Savage and crew, there was still enough left over to feed some Canadian band that was subsisting on fast food and 7-11 burritos during their week stay in L.A.

To keep Tool's mystique in check, I won't tell you which member likes to eat oatmeal in the morning, or who prefers spinach for dinner, but I can tell you that there were a lot of curries served on the tour - at least twice a week the guys perspired this exotic stuff. Besides cooking for the crew, Ryan, whose average day consists of working about 16 hours, makes every meal that the band eats on the road (except for on off nights), the guys being able to choose from a private menu which each night features three of their favorite dishes -all 4 star quality from the best ingredients bought daily from local suppliers.

THE GREAT DEBATE: BRYANTS OR GATES?
According to Ryan, the band has both varieties of barbeque sauce on the bus, and yes, Danny can tell which is which blindfolded. (NOTE: This I was well aware off - at his own 'ques he pours the stuff on everything including salads.)

So what was their favorite dish on the last tour?

SESAME CRUSTED AHI/ WITH ASIAN SLAW
(including wasabi and siracha sauces)

Here's Ryan's recipe, which serves two:

Ingredients. (TUNA) Two 4-6 oz. Sashimi grade ahi tuna. 2 oz. each black sesame and white sesame seeds.

(FOR THE SLAW)
2 oz. Red cabbage (shredded)
2 oz. Napa cabbage (shredded)
4 each: green onions (scallions) sliced
1 bunch cilantro


(FOR DRESSING)
1/4 tsp. Ginger minced
1/4 tsp. Garlic minced
3 tbsp. Rice wine vinegar
1/4 tsp. Sesame oil
1/4 tsp. Peanut oil
2tbsp. Extra virgin olive oil


DIRECTIONS:
1. Combine the sesame seeds on a large plate.
2. Coat both large sides of ahi with seeds by firmly pressing the tuna into the pile.
3. Heat sauté pan until it is really hot.
4. Add 2 tsp of peanut oil to the pan.
5. Place ahi into the pan and sear on both sides - about 15 seconds per side (you only want to cook about 1/8 of an inch on each side, and even cooking on both sides is important to presentation).
6. Combine all the ingredients for the dressing.
7. Combine all the ingredients for the slaw (damn, I'm getting hungry ~ Blair).
8. Combine dressing & slaw.
9. Place small amounts of the slaw in the upper left corner.
10. Slice tuna delicately and fan out over the front side of the slaw mound.
11. Alternate dots of wasabi and siracha sauce around the open space of the plate inside the rim for presentation purposes.
12. Enjoy!


Not only were the boys eating well on this tour, but they also had some pretty good vino including a 1961 Latour, 1982 Petrus, 1986 Mouton-Rothschild, 1985 Domaine de la Romananee-conti, 1990 Leroy Clos de la Roche, and a 1994 Screaming Eagle. This certainly wasn't "The Night Train Tour."

Myself, I have very little knowledge of wine - in fact, there's only one bottle of red wine in my place at the present time. This is a 1996 Le Cigare Volant, which I keep on a bookshelf with my UFO library. That's because Le Cigare Volant is French for "flying cigar", and the label shows a cigar-shaped flying saucer directing a light-beam onto a vineyard. According to the website of the Bonny Doon Vineyard (who first produced this wine in 1986 from their vineyards near Santa Cruz), the name is based on the story of French villagers who believed they were being invaded by aliens. But, if my memory serves me correct, I think that the wine was originally based on a law passed in France in the 1950s that made it illegal for UFOs to land in their vineyards. Those French and their wine: They let Hitler march in and take Paris, but they sure as shit aren't going to let any aliens trample on their grapes. By the way, Maynard also has a bottle of Le Cigare Volant in his wine cellar. I wonder if he's seen the UFO on the label?

"I JUST HATE THE COLOR RED"
Heard by an anonymous Oakland Raider fan.

It's almost time once again for the Raiders to play the Chiefs up in Oakland. I'll be there tailgating with Duncan, Sasha, and M. Flamm wearing the silver and black. Our enemies (on this one day only) will be Danny C., Kent, and chef Ryan (at the helm of the grill), but I seriously doubt any of them will be wearing their Chiefs'red!

Last year, long time Chiefs fan, Chris Pitman jumped ship and, as if possessed by the devil, came over to the side of the victorious Raiders. They summoned a catholic priest who performed an exorcism, and now Chris is back pulling for the Chiefs. Don't know who will win (right!) this year, but one thing's for sure: there will be plenty of beer and no worries of terrorists. I mean, c'mon, who would dare try anything in the Raider's house!!!

ALOKE
What's a newsletter without some news about Aloke? Well, besides playing with his band, Swati, at the Temple Bar in Santa Monica on December 2, the tabla master will be performing solo on Dec. 20th, 3 PM at the Farmer's Market located in Westwood at the intersection of Glendon and Weyburn. Best of all, it's free! And while we're talking about Aloke, a couple of days ago he told me something funny. A guy on the street corner selling American flags asked him if he wanted to buy one. When Aloke replied that he didn't, the dude then asked him if he wanted to buy some pot. Slowly, things are returning back to normal.

E-MAIL
"I was just reading through some newsletters and all of a sudden a minor, but annoying error caught my eye. "Duvel" is not an Amsterdam beer, but a Belgian one. The only kind of decent thing that Amsterdam produces is Heineken and Amstel and the like, but these are lagers. Something as strong and tasty as Duvel does not belong to their capacities. The Dutch usually make lagers, and are close to excellent in this (think of the tasteful Grolsch, unpronounceable for anyone but a native), but for special beers they rather leave it to the Belgians."

I received dozens of similar e-mails from upset Belgians. In fact, I thought I was going to start a war between Belgium and Holland. Okay, let's set the record straight once and for all. Besides "Duvel", Belgium has waffles, blood diamonds and black triangles, while Amsterdam has Heineken, legal hash bars, magic-mushrooms for the picking, and super model-looking blondes who will do just about anything sexual for $45.00 U.S.

This month's favorite e-mail has to be shared by the dozens of you who sent something similar to this: What was the announcement made by Maynard? Am I oblivious? I didn't see it anywhere... What special announcement by Maynard?.. Although I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the Sept. 11th attacks, I can't help but wonder what is the big announcement that Maynard made..."

Well, here it is: "I want you to take these feelings home with you, and remember them, and create something positive with them."