TOOL NEWSLETTER
JANUARY, 2002 E.A.

...all the while, the wine flows...

MY DIARY ENTRY FOR JANUARY 14, 2002 e.a.

Went with Chris Pitman to "Seanís" place - located in the so-called "Artist" District of downtown L.A. With blocks of large brick warehouses, power transformers festooned with barbed-wire and long-defunct railroad tracks in the silvering of the moon, the area had an even more post-apocalyptic vibe than our usual Sunday night haunt just off neon-splashed Hollywood Blvd. At around 10:00 PM the streets were completely deserted (I guess even the homeless have somewhere better to be). We were on a kind of lodge field-trip, to check out Jon, Sean, and Colinís * little hellfire club, a "lodge" dedicated, no doubt, to drunkenness and debauchery.

* All three are members of the "Tool Family" - Jon having been the Director of Photography for "Prison Sex", the first video that Adam directed for the band. And I believe that Sean was the bassist for an early version of Tool (?), back in the days before Paul DíAmour. Colin, too, has been around from the beginning, creating mischief by following in the tradition of the disreputable 18th-century rakes, the Franciscan Disorder, The Blasters, Bold Bucks and later Knucklebone Club, those "Hellfire" golfers at Blackheath.

Having been there once before, Chris found the place with little difficulty - a disemboweled forklift served as a landmark. After banging on the large metal door, we were greeted by Jonís familiar voice (this without any semblance of a password). Getting back in the car, we were ushered into a spacious building which turned out to be the studio of Jonís "Rocket Films."

11:00 PM

Haze of sweetleaf mingled with noxious charcoal lighter fluid. Seated on their "patio", drinking Coronas in the flicker of a barbecue grill. Next to me was a shopping cart filled with the ingesta of the nearest Ralphís (including a huge bag of Frito-Layís classic potato chips. Damn glad these werenít sour cream or French onion, etc., which is what I expected from this bunch). Ben showed up (with a steak no less!). Deglutition of burnt beef franks served as a prelude to what became quite a grotesque spectacle of carnivorism. Danny C. arrived late due to a basketball game that he plays on Sunday evenings. Was unusually quiet as he reached into the well-stocked tub of beer and fished out a choice import. Asked Dan who won the game, only mildly interested because I knew that his team had lost all of their games so far. After a large gulp of icy amber treasure, he replied (with a deadpan expression) that they didnít get to finish the game because the captain of his team had collapsed and died. "You saw this happen", I asked? " I was the last person he ever spoke to" said Danny - this while the two discussed a strategy from the bench When I asked what happened, Danny said it was most likely a heart attack.

(NOTE: 38-year-old filmmaker, Ted Demme died of cardiac arrest on January 14, 2002 e.a. during a celebrity basketball game at the private Crossroads School in Santa Monica. Demme was the director of "Blow" and "A Lesson before Dying." He was also the nephew of Jonathan Demme ("The Silence of the Lambs"). Exact cause of death has not been determined - pending further toxicology tests).

Asked Danny what exactly his last words were? Answer: Something to the effect of "yeah, thatís okay - weíll just let it ride (or slide) for now." After a moment of silence, Ben says something. He thinks "Oh fiddlesticks" would be great last words and wonders if anyone has ever said this just prior to realizing they were about to die. More conversation about death. I suggest as a good epitaph the final words of the 16th-century humanist, Francois Rabelais: " DRAW THE CURTAINS, THE FARCE IS PLAYED OUT." Danny laughs (for the first time since arriving). Says he might have to put this on his grave. Iím a little surprised by this. "Donít you want to be cremated" I ask. "No." Dan says he wants to turn into a skeleton - this is a transformation he definitely wants to undergo.

More Margs, Coronas, etc. Digesting our supermarket prey. Feeling luxurious with my X-Mass Opus-X burning like a champ. Awaiting the eveningís proceedings (or antics more likely) which are to commence after the stroke of midnight. Same as the "Sabbath" of our quasi-Masonic lodge, it being of a lunar nature (Monday = the day of the moon).

1:00 AM

Chris Wyse and Angelo of OWL showed up with some girls visiting from Hawaii. Jon, Sean, and Colinís band, $hitfight started to jam. Music is unique to be sure. Nice drumming and bass, and great lyrics by Jon! Something about a baby being left in the car on a sweltering afternoon while mom shops for fishsticks, nylons, etc. in Ralphís.

Peculiar beer served. NOT subterranean, but something new under the sun. (mild hangover, but definitely not a "what god did I offend?" type.) The Unholy Three: Worshippers of Bacchus (at least on ONE night a week) and Venus (in her 21st-century guise). Guiltless pleasures. yes, but NO evidence of black turnips and scarlet wine here. Learn the following day that *** was awakened at 8:00 by several firemen who were knocking on the window of his ride. Parked in his own driveway, no less. Well, at least the front tires were! This reminds me: Did Jonathan Demme direct "Cutterís Way?" Tired. Need to rest up for Jan. 17 festivities.

JANUARY 17 FESTIVITIES

..."Yes, I remember Jonesí - - we ate there my first night in L.A. I recall being very tired, looking about at the young and up-coming actors and actresses, and experiencing something similar to the "lounge-lizard" scene from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."
- From an e-mail sent to me by Victor C.

The eveningís festivities began at Jonesí restaurant in Hollywood. Besides being a celebration of the holiest day of the year, the event doubled as a birthday party for our Aussie friend, Sash (who was born on Jan.16 ). After a rather enjoyable meal (no burnt beef franks here), desert was served in the form of a specially-made BLUE APPLE PIE that we brought in ourselves for the occasion (it helps to have connections).

After eating, most of us headed over to the loft. As we went about our business, at the same time (perhaps even as we toasted with gilt-silver chalices containing the Black Wine of Owls), events of a rather nefarious nature were unfolding at the winter NAMM SHOW in the Convention Center behind the Orange Curtain. Something we did not anticipate. Evidently someone down there had more than a casual interest in Dannyís drumset. Although the show had closed for the night hours earlier, intruders were discovered in the room where the kit was on display. This was the gold Custom Craft kit fashioned from thousands of melted-down Paiste cymbals that was designed in collaboration with Jeff Ocheltree (see the July newsletter for the full story). You know, the one which contained the Templar (?) artifact that was given to Danny on our last visit to Rennes-le-Chateau. Although the intruders were discovered by security personnel (though they managed to get away), they left behind their mark. This was an "occult" symbol spray-painted in black on the wall near the drumset.

Weíd seen the handiwork of these mystic taggers before. It was at Rennes-le-Chateau on the bandís first visit to the village about ten years ago. Earlier someone had defaced religious statues and the church door itself with similar lurid graffiti - for what purpose we donít know (or care for that matter). Probably a just a farrago of nonsense by wanna-be occultists. Rennes and its environs have a history of being vandalized by treasure hunters whether by aerosol cans or brute-force. The suspects include those seeking wealth in a cache of gold, cranks, mail-order occultists, and possibly even members of secret societies trying to further imbue the place with an aura of mystery for their own unknown agenda. Prior to this, those seeking "vulgar" gold had attempted to desecrate the "Poussin Tomb" with sticks of dynamite. Fed up with such Beelzebozos trespassing on his property, the owner took a sledgehammer to the tomb, reducing a historically important landmark to a pile of rubble (a piece of which now sits on one of my bookcases). Recently, in another mis-guided attempt to discover treasure, someone crudely lopped off the head of the "devil" in the alchemical statuary group just inside the church door. Thatís right, the head of Asmodeus (or Rex Mundi) is not the original, but a modern copy. This is why our old friend is now imprisoned in a transparent box. At any rate, I am happy to report that Dannyís drums were not damaged, thanks to Starbucks-fueled security and forces way beyond their understanding.

THE MASS OF ST. SECAIRE

Like many people in the Raider Nation, I was horrified by the call made during the game with the New England Patriots. For those who donít know what Iím referring to, what was CLEARLY a (game winning) FUMBLE caused by the Raider defense was upon further review ruled an incomplete forward pass, thus allowing the Patriots to maintain possession and eventually win the game.

As upset by this travesty of justice as I was, I am NOT suggesting that one of the Silver and Black faithful engage the services of a renegade priest in order to perform the Mass of St. Secaire.

Please understand that I am in NO WAY suggesting that any frustrated Raider fan find a priest proficient in the dark Arts to perform this malicious requiem Mass for the living at midnight during a waning half-moon. So donít go looking for a deserted old abbey whose gaunt remains are bathed in the pale brilliance of the moon - one with toads breeding in the stagnant water of a lichened baptismal font Ďneath the neglected gloom of its crumbling, ivied Gothic facade ( and yes, I did graduate from Miskatonic U.). Just take a time out, rowdy drunks of the Black Hole. Donít go searching the countryside for a ruined chapel with a desecrated altar having a live toad nailed to a scarlet cross amid the noxious bluish fumes of thuribles Just because you got completely screwed by a ridiculous call doesnít make it right to go out there in the gloaming with a black-coped priest reciting prayers and litanies in an unnaturally guttural voice along with the consecration of accursed elements - a triangular host of unleavened, black bread from the mill of the sepulcher and the putrid water from a well in which an unbaptised infant has been cast (how about that, singer in $hitfight). Now letís review this one more time: He was NOT throwing the football, therefore it was a FUMBLE. Címon, donít loose your temper, Raider faithful -itís only a game (a F****** PLAYOFF GAME!!!). Still, donít concern yourself with things like a moonwane. BUT if you choose not to heed my advice and manage to procure one of those zebra shirts or even his yellow flag (the bastard), donít have the priest perform the Mass of Gascony for the referee (remember, at moonwane), but, instead for the RULES! After all, it was not so much a bad call as it was a bad rule. But as for Al Davis, Iím afraid thatís another story!

THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
(that you never knew)
By
Victor Cypert

Throughout the days & months since 9/11/01 e.a. the e-mail accounts of most Americans have been bombarded by files containing various and sundry "patriotic" ideas. Some of these files are vaguely amusing and often-times disgusting images of Osama bin Laden engaged in various bestial sexual activities. Others are chain letters claiming that Microsoft, AOL, or some other major-label branch of the Illuminati Mind Control R&D Department is testing an "e-mail tracking system" and that for every person you pass the letter to, Bill Gates, Steven Case, or Yog-Sothoth will donate $6.66 to the families of the fallen police and firemen who died in the disaster. [Note: There is no such thing as an "e-mail tracking system." FNORD.]

Yet along with these nauseating JPGs and highly annoying chain letters have come other, more disturbing files. These other files make certain claims regarding the religion of the Founding Fathers of the United States. In fact, many of these e-mailings state that the Founding Fathers were Protestant Christians on a Mission from God. Now for the shocker, folks: The Founding Fathers were pro-Illuminati Deists with a more than slightly Satanic bent! Doubt it? Read on!

It is a well known fact that Washington, Jefferson, Franklin and many of the other shapers of the United States were Freemasons. Now while Freemasonry does require a man to profess a belief in a Higher Power, it does not require that a man be a Christian, a Jew, or a Muslim. A Mason can be a Hindu, a Zoroastrian, a Manichean, a Thelemite, or even a Buddhist. [Donít ask me about the last one - - I donít get it either.] So while Emperor George I et al. were deeply spiritual men, we cannot infer their religious views from their Fraternal affiliations.

At the time of the writing of the U.S. Constitution, Deism was en vogue amongst dilettantes both foreign and domestic. Deism is often defined as a religious philosophy that stresses the abandoning of so-called Revealed Religion in favor of Natural Religion.

It accepts the existence of a Creator but holds that once said Maker-of-All-Things actually made all things it was impossible for Him/Her/It/They to interact with the Universe. In short, some great big invisible guy sat down, made the cosmos, and simply walked away from it, preferring to allow the universe to run according to its own rules. Through their writings and their own admissions, Washington, Jefferson, Paine, and Franklin were all Deists. As such, they did not accept any scripture as the "Word of God" and, as such, they could not have been Christians. Further, consider these lines written by Thomas Jefferson in the Declaration of Independence:

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Natureís God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."

I pray the earnest reader note that "Nature" is placed before "Natureís God" giving greater import to the Physical Universe than to its Creator. This is a purely Deist sentiment and it can be found in the opening sentence of the primary instrument of our succession from England. From the outset, our Nation has been founded upon Deist ideas! FNORD. [For more information regarding Deism, please consult www.deism.com]

Along similar lines, Thomas Jefferson (philosopher, scholar, farmer, Freemason, gentleman, President, and immoral asshole who thought it acceptable to own other human beings like so much cattle) actually favored the political agenda of the notorious Illuminati! From his writings, we read the following regarding the Founder of the Illuminati, Adam Weishaupt, and his organization:

"As Weishaupt lived under the tyranny of a despot and priests, he knew that caution was necessary even in spreading information, and the principles of pure morality. This has given an air of mystery to his views, was the foundation of his banishment... If Weishaupt had written here, where no secrecy is necessary in our endeavors to render men wise and virtuous, he would not have thought of any secret machinery for that purpose."

Now this statement is doubly damning on two fronts. First, it defends Adam Weishaupt and makes apology for his actions, admitting that the morals of the Illuminati were "pure" and capable of making men "wise and virtuous." Second, it clearly states that Weishaupt and his brood wouldíve been right at home within the United States! Now, before you even attempt to rebut this idea, pull a dollar bill from your pocket and take a look at that controversial seal on the backside. Stare into the Eye atop the pyramid and repeat to yourself "There is no enemy, anywhere" six-hundred-sixty-six times or until you begin to feel like an American. FNORD. [For further information regarding the Illuminati of Weishaupt please consult www.english.upenn.edu/~jlynch/Frank/Contexts/illumin.html]

Now let us consider Benjamin Franklin (satirist, statesman, ambassador, Freemason, and unabashed drunkard) who gave us his face to grace the U.S. $100 bill. To many, Franklin appears a harmless character, notorious for appearing in the Royal Court of France attired in his coonskin cap. Yet there is evidence linking him to Sir Francis Dashwoodís notorious Order "The Monks of Medmenham" (aka "The Hell-Fire Club," an early prototype for many occult and Satanic organizations of the modern day.)

Sir Francis Dashwood, an Englishman of some power and wealth during his day, was a Freemason, a Rosicrucian, a Jacobite, and a Jacobin. [Whatís a Jacobin? Go rent the movie "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut" and watch for "The Mole." Heís easier to swallow than Maximilian Robespierre. Also, please be careful not to confuse "Jacobins" with " Jacobians." The former are the darlings of French Historians throughout the world. The latter are the bane of mathematics majors taking their first course in Partial Differential Equations.] He also founded a blatantly pagan institution that was called by many "The Hell-Fire Club."

Dashwoodís organization was, in many ways, a precursor to Crowleyís OTO and AA, having as its motto the phrase "Do what thou wilt" which phrase first appeared in the novel Gargantua by Rabelais. In the courtyard of the Orderís main Abbey was found a lewd statue of a nude Venus, Her hind quarters fully exposed. There was also found in the Abbeyís garden a figure of Harpocrates placing a finger to His lips. These images reminded the Monks of their duty to themselves and to their Order: Eat, lust, enjoy all things which life has to offer but donít go about telling the world our business lest the Protestants find out! That goes double for the Catholics! [ Protestant: A member of any non-Catholic or non-Orthodox Christian denomination. Protestantism is marked by a loathing of Church hierarchy, acceptance of the Bible as the infallible word of God, and a nagging suspicion amongst its members that at any given moment someone in the world might actually be having a good time. FNORD.]

[For further information regarding the Hellfire Club of Sir Francis Dashwood, please consult www.disinfo.com/pages/dossier/id241/pg1/]

So despite the fervent wishes of the Religious Right, America is NOT a Christian nation. Our Constitution, founded upon the tenants of Freemasonry, Illuminism, and Deism, is a purely "Satanic" document from the perspective of Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and other anti-Patriotic zealots. Despite what you may believe, what you may read, what you may see on TV, what you may hear on the radio, or what the local clergy may tell you Our Constitution and Our Nation is far from Christian. We have inherited a freethinkerís paradise which others have attempted to usurp for their own political agendas.

But beyond that, the image of Osama bin Laden as a Candy-Raver is a riot. If you havenít seen it yet, youíre missing out! [For more information on raves, please consult www.groovethemovie.com]

Pacem vobiscum
Victor

I first met Victor via e-mail. Like many of you, he dropped me a note after my mini-essay on the "Star of Bethlehem" a little over a year ago. I was immediately struck by his intelligence, but even more so by his diabolical sense of humor. Despite being initiated in certain degrees of the Caliphate OTO (and spending many years of his adult life in doing so), he now referred to the Order as the Califake OTO, even going so far as uttering blasphemous praise for Kenneth Grantís Typhonian OTO! Eventually I had a chance to meet Victor. This was backstage after a Tool show in Berkeley. A couple of months ago, he came to L.A. to visit Danny C., wanting to see firsthand the dark splendors of the P.U.P. as well as the rehearsal space where virtually every Tool song was written, arranged, etc. During his brief stay, one night, after checking out the dancers in "Crazy Girls", over beers and burritos from the infamous "Chig" Shack we began discussing Dashwoodís Hellfire Club, the benign conspiracy of Freemasonry, and their connection with our Founding Fathers. After one too many, I suggested that he write something on the subject for the newsletter. Now Iím certainly glad that he followed through. Weíll have Victor write more in the future, but for now I would like to add just one thought to his essay. That is to remind interested readers that Dr. Benjamin Franklin was the co-writer with Sir Francis Dashwood in revising the Book of Common Prayer - precisely the kind of manipulation (like the "unorthodox treatment" of the Communion Service ) that the heretical Cathars and Templars were accused of doing. Sleep tight you patriotic American Christian zealots.

If you didnít get enough of Victor, check out his website at www.neuralalchemy.com. This contains a wealth of info about that entity known as Tool.

ALOKE

When the tabla master returns to Southern Kali-fornia, his band SWATIís next show will be on Sunday, Feb. 24 at 9:00 PM at the TEMPLE BAR - 1026 Wilshire Blvd. in Santa Monica. I hope to see you there. Maybe Iíll bring a friend.

NEW TOOL MERCH AVAILABLE ON WEB STORE

LONG SLEEVE Tee-shirts with Lateralus on the sleeve. SKELETON LOGO Tee-shirts, as well as "ALBUM" Tís. New keychains, and necklaces. A new cap... AND GOOD NEWS FOR THE LADIES... FINALLY, "EYE" Tís available in M, L, XL.

HAPPY TRAILS

BLAIR
JUSTIN
DANNY
MAYNARD
ADAM
and chrisgraves

 
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