MARCH 2014, E.V.

With the latest mini-tour now a thing of the past, members of the band will continue working on material for their next record after taking a short break in order to unpack and sort through their mail. I say “continue” because – contrary to those who thought that the tour would only further delay the writing process -with all four band members together during sound checks, catering, etc., I’m fairly certain that they spent a considerable portion of that time experimenting with new tunes. In which case, the tour might have actually sped things up a bit. But then again, this snifter of cognac is half full…

Besides writing and arranging new songs, there is one other Tool project that was in the works prior to the tour that I will update you on should I hear anything (Yep, the so-called “curve ball.”) Likewise with another item of interest to both Tool fans and drummers in general that I will post in the news section once I receive more details.

As far as I know, there is nothing else to report at this time except that DANNY will be performing with VOLTO! at THE MINT here in L.A. on SATURDAY, APRIL 19th. Prior to that he will be playing his gig with THE WEBB ALLSTARS at the BAKED POTATO in STUDIO CITY on SUNDAY, APRIL 6.

Now that you are all ‘caught up’ and your head is spinning from certain revelations, here are some of my notes from the tour, including a number of shows that I didn’t go to:


Didn’t go to Spokane, mainly due to the menacing presence of Hobo spiders in the Pacific Northwest. As I’ve mentioned on numerous occasions, these aggressive things with their ever so tiny harmonicas have been riding the rails south (and east) since at least the 1980s, though there have still not yet been any verified sightings of them in northern California, where we have plenty of sticky traps placed along the border.


Although I’ve got nothing against schpaghetti and meatballs on my Schmizza, or Fruit Loops on a doughnut, or doughnuts on my Schmeezy bread for that matter, this arachnophobe knows all too well that Tegenaria agrestis (not a local metal band) is firmly entrenched in Portlandia. So, no Tool show there either.

EUGENE, OREGON Nope. I don’t mind drum-tumblers on electric Kool-Aid, but I sure as heck wouldn’t want to blunder into the web of any of the weaving monstrosities there, despite any hippy-types with Captain Crunch on their stale doughnuts downplaying their venomous bites.


Without any personal security guard to keep away any dudes with plastic army soldiers stuffed in their pockets, I sent my BMB decoy-double to check out the show in Reno. This seemed apropos as I believe it was way back when at a Tool show in the Biggest Little City in the World that the band’s shiny brand new decoy buses and carefully selected look-alikes were first discovered by a fan who managed to elude security and make it to the backstage area, asking Danny and Justin if they’d seen any band members while warning about decoys. However, as of writing this, I haven’t heard from him (my decoy-double, that is), and I am beginning to suspect the worse. Then again, the cognac snifter remains half empty…


It should go without saying that I attended the San Francisco show. Here are some notes: Best hotel with psychedelic furnishings (Alice in Wonderland meets the Jetsons cartoon décor)? The Best Western Plus Americana on Mission and 7th. Best place to get a burrito? La Taqueria on Mission and 25th. Best place to see a homeless person lying in a puddle of urine with a laptop computer on their sleeping bag? On Mission Street walking to get a burrito. Best place to view a termite’s anatomy whist on ‘shrooms? The Exploratorium Museum of Science, Art, and Human Perception at Pier 15/17. Best place to watch the five-alarm Mission Bay fire while sipping a $7.00 Budweiser? The View Lounge atop the Marriott Marquis. Best place to meet up with Danny and Adam to have some cocktails on the night before the first Tool show in S.F.? The Lounge in the Ritz Carlton on Nob Hill. Best place to puff on a thin cigar? Maybe at the charred remains of the apartment building under construction in Mission Bay, but probably NOWHERE in S.F., where even the homeless lying in their puddles of urine complained about the smoke. Best place to watch the Tool show? Standing by Junior at the Front of House… until some members of Metallica (?) came and stood right in front of me. Best place to get some sleep right after the first Tool show in S.F after having earlier walked from Mission and 7th to Mission and 25th to eat a burrito at 57 years of age? The comfortable bed at the Best Western Plus Americana (though there is a separate tax for comfort in S.F. and the nearby street people make noises like beshroomed mating hyenas until the wee hours).


For the Fresno show I went in disguise without telling ANYONE that I would be there. While watching the band amongst the crowd in a vintage “RaisinEaters” jersey, many Tool fans asked me why I had a picture of the “Bob’s Big Boy” guy catching raisins with a baseball glove on my tee-shirt? Enough said…


Went to a paperback book fair in Glendale instead. Good choice, too (even though I didn’t find anything), because I probably would have got caught by security trying to record the elite meet and greet (and then tweet) after some other guy days before posted his recording on-line that resulted in beefed up security and spoilers for others!


What happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas… other than STDs that itch of course. (Ba-da-Bing on a Mandala pad!)


Didn’t renew my passport, so no Mexico festival.


Nope. Though I’m sure I would have loved having Stubb’s barbeque rub on my cronuts, not to mention a motorized armadillo taking me right to the venue! But what about all the bats!


LaraLee moved here five years ago… so no more Houston shows or half-price books (unless the ground keeps shaking).


Great show with but a few clams and no giant Arizona crab spiders biting my feet. Also nice to see some old friends afterwards, and drink a few free beers from the rider.

Nope. I don’t mind drum-tumblers on electric Kool-Aid, but I sure as heck wouldn’t want to blunder into the web of any of the weaving monstrosities there, despite any hippy-types with Captain Crunch on their stale doughnuts downplaying their venomous bites.



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