TOOLBAND.COM TIPS FOR THE NEW TOUR
(NOTE: I will be adding more thoughts and information to this newsletter as the band travels to the various cities, so check back from time to time.)
TOOLBAND.COM TIPS FOR LAS VEGAS, NEVADA
If you’re traveling on I15 North and see a purple (or is it orange now?) Lamborghini Murcielago, stay out of its way, what with all those blind spots and all. Don’t take your ‘Salival’ square – I’m sure you saw “Fear and Loathing…” That’s NOT a decoy tour coach. Remember, gambling at THE PALMS HOTEL AND CASINO supports the Sac-Town KINGS. Go to the SPORTS BOOK and bet the farm on the LAKERS winning it all this season! Think twice about ordering that $6,000 Carl’s Jr. combo meal from The Palms’ room service menu. About a year ago my brother got a certain vocalist/wine enthusiast a few bottles of the 1982 Chateau Petrus for about $2,450.00 a piece, so when you factor in that the burger and fries should only cost about $4.99, you’re paying WAY too much for the Bordeaux (even for room service). And besides, a good California Zinfandel would probably go better with the burger and fries. If you must order the $6.000 combo meal, make sure that they throw in a free plastic corkscrew. About the Playboy Club – they’re all real! Forget about “G-13 Haze” and “Martian Mean Green”, if you really want to enhance your experience of seeing Tool perform at “The Pearl”, prior to the show, go hang out at Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville” for about three hours. Bring a purple pen with you into the casino, but keep in mind that every autograph causes wear and tear on that repaired bicep. If it gets any worse, you might not hear “Triad” or “Ticks and Leeches” for a while. When drilling for oil on the “Texas Tea” slot machine, NEVER put your oil derrick on Houston. Forget about that “Sonic” near The Palms (and the Wendy’s on Tropicana!). Instead, go to “The Burger Bar” at Mandalay Place and check out the (female) identical TWINS working there (at least they were there the last time I had a burger at the place. With those beautiful smiles, they could have moved up in life by now). Don’t bother making the two-hour drive to AREA 51/S-4. Everyone knows that they moved the famous secret base to Utah (Moab?) Put it on BLACK! Don’t do anything that will get you into trouble with the band’s security personnel. Enjoy the show!
That’s not a decoy tour coach…