TOOL NEWSLETTER
AUGUST 2007, E.V.


Let me say right up front that this could be a very valuable newsletter for someone, as it deals with the “noumenon” of interdimensional perichoresis, and one who left behind a dirty fingerprint, perhaps, in the process. Now, when I say that it could be valuable to someone, let me stress that I’m talking about an individual with keen eyesight (or oxyopia, if you’d prefer) – those who understand the angel Madimi’s answer to the seer (or mountebank?), Edward Kelly’s inquiry as to whether or not it could lend him a hundred pounds for a fort-night, with the reply being that “I have swept all my money out of doors.” For, as to these and other future events (whether in Enochian séances or not), we are talking about doors…to and from any number of probable world-planes and co-existent realities. In this case, besides keen eyesight, all you need is a certain error baseball card that was issued in 1969 (you didn’t put it in your bicycle spokes, did you!) Okay, it might also help to have certain leaves of silver parchment inscribed in the tongue of ANGELS, but the error card truly contains the key. This I tried to explain while washing down a couple of salted peanuts with a watered-down $11.00 draft beer…

Hoping to see Barry Bonds tie Hank Aaron’s homerun record, while attending a Dodgers-Giants game at Dodger Stadium on Tuesday night, July 31 (with Adam, Camella, Alan, and Buzz), I was asked about a prediction of sorts that I had made in a news post from October 12th, 2004 (incidentally, Crowleymas), captioned “THE BAMBINO’S CURSE AND HARRY AGANNIS.” In this I stated that: “In order to break the curse on the Red Sox, someone who owns a black Cadillac and lives in New York City must find a way to send Harry Agannis a one dollar bill dated from 1955.” Evidently, someone did, and not long after the post appeared on both Tool websites (again, on October 12th, 2004), the Boston Red Sox did the near impossible – winning the World Series (on Oct 27, with the series beginning on Oct 23) after being down 0-3 to the New York Yankees in the LCS! This incredible feat (involving 8 consecutive wins) was the largest comeback in post-season Major League Baseball, and by sweeping the St. Louis Cardinals, it was Boston’s first World Series trophy in 86 years (since 1918). Although I didn’t reveal to this person how I knew what was needed to break the “Curse of the Bambino” on that night at Chavez Ravine, I did tell him/her how they could make a lot of money in Vegas by accurately predicting exactly who (and when) would break Barry Bonds’ all time homerun record (which, at the time, he hadn’t even tied Aaron yet).

Having collected baseball cards in grade school, last season I gave either Adam, or Buzz, or their friend Dan (I don’t remember which one it was) a (gem) mint condition Barry Bonds rookie card that I’d found back at my parents house in the mid-west (among thousands from the 1960s that were preserved in well-labeled cardboard boxes). I didn’t think the card would ever be particularly valuable, not because so many were produced, but because hardly any were destroyed (scarcity beginning everything when it comes to an expensive card). Such wasn’t the case with the error card in question, which happens to be a 1969 Topps AURELIO RODRIGUEZ (# 653).

Although most of these cards were probably lost or destroyed by one means or another, I wouldn’t say that the card is that hard to obtain today. There are probably still a good number of them out there, and it can be purchased on eBay and elsewhere without breaking the bank. However, when compared to the Barry Bonds rookie card, due to certain occult factors that I touched upon earlier, #653 is infinitely more valuable!

Those who collect baseball cards are familiar with error cards. There’s the card of the Houston Astros’ Claude Raymond who was caught with his zipper down not once, but twice, both in 1966 and 1967 (actually, one is probably a reverse negative of the same image). Better known is the 1989 Fleer Billy Ripken “Fuck Face” card (#616), in which one of his teammates had played a prank on the Baltimore Orioles infielder by writing the obscenity on the knob of the bat with a black marker. At first this choice expletive went unnoticed, and the card went into production. There are now a number of variations as the good folks at Fleer attempted to doctor up the offensive word with correction fluid, and other such tricks (one is known as “Rick Face”), eventually completely covering the letters with a small black square. While it is believed that a teammate of Ripkin’s was responsible, some might want to entertain the thought that it was actually the work of the Devil, itself. After all, the “Fuck Face” card is number 616 - the devalued new Number of the Beast (Note: The discovery of a 1,500-year-old papyrus written in Greek in an ancient rubbish heap near the Egyptian city of Oxyrhynchus in 1895 was recently deciphered by scholars at Oxford University using advanced imaging techniques. Proving to be a fragment from the oldest surviving copy of the New Testament (Book of Revelation – a thinly veiled political tract), it was determined that the famous Number of the Beast (Anti-Christ), 666, is actually 616). It should be no surprise to purveyors of Xian paranoia and the secret Satanist network that the Devil would use a baseball card to indoctrinate the minds of young children (hell, it worked with me!). Just look at cartoons such as Teddy Ruxpin, The Smurfs, and Barney – all of which could be Satanic propaganda tools, not to mention all the evolutionist mutations like the Teenage Mutant Turtles, X-Men, Fantastic Four, Transformers, etc, where the Theory of Evolution is being ever so subtly introduced to our children (even while still in the playpen!). So, the idea that the Devil would use a baseball card as its medium is a no-brainer! Even so, with the Aurelio Rodriguez error card (“the original A-ROD), rest assured that another force is at work.

In my solipsistic multiverse, at least, these high-jinks belong to a good perichoretic traveler – someone from another probable reality, nay, a parallel world-plane, and, as I mentioned, his/her dirty fingerprints are all over it. The first thing we should know is that the reason that the AURELIO card is an error card, is that it’s NOT even AURELIO pictured on the card. The person with the sheepish grin (similar in ways to the knowing smile on LEONARDO Da VINCI’S “Mona Lisa”) was actually, at the time, the California ANGELS batboy, LEONARD GARCIA (born on December 28th, 1947). Back in 1969 (and even today), the original A-ROD wasn’t that well known (unlike the modern A-ROD, he couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat), and the fact that it wasn’t him on his own card, but the bat-boy, went unnoticed by most. Hence, the card was never corrected by the Topps Company who produced it (it being an uncorrected error card).

More than a good hint that the card contains the key to an occult secret involving the Enochia (in which the ANGELS used ‘a rod’ to point to various letters) is the very name of the archangel URIEL (who taught these secrets to Enoch) ‘hidden’ in AURELIO (between the “A” and “O”), and a Word of Power concealed in the last name of the ANGEL’S third baseman, RODRIGUEZ (which you’ll have to work out on your own).

And so, while Wal-Mart recently had a field day with the Kansas City Royals Alex Gordon rookie card, the original A-ROD continues to go unnoticed, even though, as I believe, it is infinitely more valuable than all the others. Therefore, obtain one, and by applying the Faculty of Abrac with the stats on back (in accordance with a certain heavenly luminary already hinted at), place your bet in Vegas! One last thing: It might be that someone else out there also believes it so (and not batboy Leonard GarCIA). Is it merely a coincidence that 3 players in Major League history named AURELIO were all killed in car accidents? Add to this (all you conspiracy buffs out there), that the date that the original A-ROD was run over was September 23 (2000).

HAPPY TRAILS

BLAIR
JUSTIN
DANNY
MAYNARD
ADAM


 
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