TOOL: NEWSLETTER

TOOL NEWSLETTER
FEBRUARY 2009, E.V.

It now appears that the lengthy e-mail that I received from Barack Obama (see TOOL NEWSLETTER, DECEMBER 2008 e.v.) was actually written by a member of the “Tool Collective” who was impersonating the (then) President-elect in a misguided attempt to convince me (or a high level administrator) to change the format of the newsletters posted on the site. I learned that “one of our own” was responsible for the deception from a note that was placed inside a sealed box of “Quisp” cereal that I received in the mail on January 17th. Although the package was sent anonymously, written with a purple “magic marker” on the outside of the cereal box was a cheerful “HAPPY PRESIDENTS” DAY.” Beneath the depiction of a “quazy” pink alien, the person signed “HOCHSTETTER.”

In addition to certain details about the suspect e-mail, the note also contained the imposter’s ToolArmy identity. A quick check of recent postings on the TA message boards by this individual was enough to convince me that the whistle-blower was correct as to his/her accusations. I guess I should have known all along. Further research on my part shows that President Obama isn’t even that much of a Tool fan, preferring, instead, Dylan, the Stones, and Stevie Wonder (although I’ll give him credit for listening to Miles Davis back in those days of getting baked with bong-bingers and dancing with the white lady). Despite those who would seek to take advantage of the ‘turning of the page’ for personal benefit, in keeping with the new positive attitude sweeping the nation, as well as my vow to include more news about the band itself (as opposed to the various subjects of interest to the four members and/or their close circle of friends), here’s what I was able to come up with for the February 2009 e.v. issue:

ADAM
is currently working on several big projects, all of which he’d prefer not be made public for the time being.

MAYNARD
just returned home from more successful wine signings at Whole Foods markets (thank you!). His band PUSCIFER will be performing at CLUB NOKIA in Los Angeles on April 4th. No word as of yet about an added show.

JUSTIN
is visiting his family and friends in England, but should be returning to the states any day now. A couple of weeks ago he and Danny jammed at the loft, and this, I am told, was very productive.

DANNY
is busy working on a couple of side projects that are also under wraps. What I can divulge (I think) is that he was recently interviewed (filmed) for a forthcoming “Rush” documentary. On Friday, March 6th, he will be performing at THE KNITTING FACTORY in Hollywood with his band VOLTO!

With all of the things going on in ‘realms supersensible’, as it were, sometimes it’s just easier to attempt spirit communications via the Enochia for the divulgation of certain information that the band members and their management are reluctant to discuss. One night when not hanging out with friends at the Fox & Hounds pub - a place that I call frequently, drink moderately, pay honorably, part friendly, and go home quietly – I brought out some temple furniture, including a black skrying mirror (see Danny’s stereoscopic photo in the “10,000 DAYS” CD packaging) in order to conduct a séance. In that it seemed as if EXARP had gone fishing for the day, I decided to take my chances with an elemental spirit from the Elemental Tablet of Water (from the Earth of Water subangle).

Using my usual skrying technique to encourage the spirit to manifest itself, it wasn’t long before the opalescent shifting in the black speculum revealed the form of an astral elemental. This figure appeared as a fairly normal looking human male with silvering hair, wearing a purple toga embroidered with gold thread. Upon its head was a laurel crown, and its feet were shod with Roman footwear of the calceus type. There seemed to be a blurry circus-like event going on in the background, but, over the course of the session, this was never clearly defined. Unlike the more normal procedure of using a rod to point to letters arranged in squares, the unnamed being hovered over the blades of 23 daggers. Picking these daggers up one at a time, the figure used them to point to 23 letters of the Enochian alphabet. The first word that was spelled by receiving the letters in the normal reverse manner was “OL”, meaning “I, myself.” The second word turned out to be “SONF”, which is translated from the Enochian or Angelic language into English as “reign” or “rule.” Next came “VAORSAGI”, a word that means “over you.” Placed together, this reads quite simply, “I reign over you.”

Although this seemed somewhat promising, there was a problem with the forth and final word that was slowly (!) revealed before the mirror clouded over. The problem was that the word, “SILITNIUQ”, although at first glance looks like an Enochian word, it actually isn’t (at least it couldn’t be found in any of my Enochian dictionaries*). In consulting these, the closest word I could find was “SOLAMIANU”, which means “whose [long] continuance.” However, this isn’t the word that was spelled out, and therefore must be discounted. So, for now, “SILITNIUQ” would appear to be gibberish, and as such, the séance appears to offer little in the way of a message. Even so, I include it here in the event that someone else can make sense of it. Perhaps that which I was hoping to be made public is, for the time being, still meant to be veiled from mortal vision. But if someone is able to fathom a meaning from the experiment, keeping in mind that such elementals are notorious tricksters, please shout it out from the top of a mountain, rather than writing it on a scrap of paper and placing it inside a box of “Quisp” that’s mailed to you know who.