“Hey, what’s going on with the new Tool record?” “How’s the new Tool record going, BMB?” Seems that’s all people who read this site want to know. I’m not kidding. 99% of the queries in my inbox this week concerned the band’s next album, with, amazingly enough, not one question or comment about the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton and any dystopian potentials with regards to the ongoing deception to humankind by shape-shifting reptoids, Kris Kristofferson, and the Babylonian Brotherhood. Holy freakin’ Queen Mother-Chief Toad in fancy footwear!..

Well, okay you persistent sheeple-bastards: Converting the waveforms of electromagnetic emanations from the constellation Draco into the equivalent audio waves obviously takes time (especially those only detectable to those with the rarest forms of extreme reverse-slope hearing loss). So does tuning the silicon strings of a nano-guitar that happens to be the size of a red blood cell. And have you ever tried recording samples of a particular species of Thai cicada in a rainy moonless jungle. What about processing a dry leaf skittering along the sidewalk through an Eventide harmonizer so that it’s in tune with a Tibetan thighbone trumpet? And then there’s the lovesick bobcat and tickled camel… Yes, all of these things are quite time consuming. Even so, the guys (Tool) are making a lot of headway in the arduous process of jamming, writing, and arranging new material. Of course, like everyone else who knows an organic portal when they ‘see’ one, they’re going to take Friday, April 29th off in order to watch the royal wedding (unable to attend in person, most regrettably). Therefore, perhaps you, too, should WATCH the Drac’s party, asking yourself, “What’s coming next as far as Red Dress Programs go?” That is, exactly what is the hidden agenda of these creatures masquerading as the British Royal Family?

What to look for, you ask? Little things. Don’t be fooled or blinded by stuff like designer ensembles or heavily embroidered flats. Duchesse satin with seed-pearl looks good on a child’s blood and crumpet type lizard as well. But in looking for evidence of reptoid activity, don’t expect to see almond-shaped eyes, vertical pupils and green leathery skin. Instead, look for traces of partially scaled faces while morphing back during vibrational wavelength disruptions. Look THROUGH these holographic veils with their livers and greens and monoatomic gold. See these crockery-collecting Dracs with their biscuits, Cadbury, and clotted cream for what they truly are: hostile lizardfolk disguised as humans. If you happen to be in the area and spot an ice cream van, try ordering a “99” and watch what happens. Especially look for those wearing blue lipstick in Westminster Abbey! And if you’ve a telescope, look for signs of lunar bases. They’ll certainly be watching too, knowing damn well that the date of the royal wedding (April 29th) also happens to be David Icke’s birthday! And why do you suppose that the occasion should enable the highly influential (with their STICKY PUDDING) to be so close to the Buckingham Palace bunkers!

After all, who would deliberately choose the date of April 29th for the royal wedding – the same date (APRIL 29th) that ADOLF HITLER married his long-time mistress EVA BRAUN in a Berlin bunker - only to “commit suicide” shortly after, thus bringing a new meaning to the term, “The honeymoon is over.” (Note: Keep in mind that all the pain and suffering of Lizard-Hitler’s WWII was used to energize and ‘refuel’, if you will, the reptoid Dracs. Evidently, simply tossing a hamster into a KitchenAid KSB560 isn’t nearly enough ‘misery-energy’ for these glorified skinks who are bent on world domination.) If all of this isn’t further evidence of Nazi-Reptilian collaboration, then how does one explain another important occurrence on April 29 (1992)? The British have their Queen, but here in America, we have our KING. And here, of course, I’m referring to RODNEY KING and the L.A. riots, an important TEST as part of the Reptilian/Babylon Brotherhood conspiracy.

In the meantime, A PERFECT CIRCLE have announced via their website that RED BACTERA VACUUM will be opening for them during their summer 2011 tour. Maynard and company will also be performing at the Ottawa BLUESFEST on JULY 10th, and Kanrocksas in August. Also look for APC LOLLAPALOOZA DATES. For additional information, including videos of their rehearsals, please visit www.aperfectcircle.com (Only wait until after Friday’s royal wedding!). Also newsworthy is that M.T. vOID, JUSTIN’S project with Peter MOHAMED, have released a track from “NOTHING’S MATTER.” Not sure what Adam’s up too (besides working on new Tool songs), but recently DANNY got together for a drumming/recording session with NEIL PEART (RUSH) and STEWART COPELAND (THE POLICE). LES CLAYPOOL was also involved, but I’m not sure as to what capacity. Whether or not these guys will get together again, or anything will come from the initial ‘session’, I really don’t know. Danny has also been working in his spare time with cEVIN of SKINNY PUPPY (programming Danny’s large collection of analogue synthesizers), and there are plans for my neighbor Evil Joe Barresi to possibly record a VOLTO! CD.

Now, let’s see what’s in my inbox?

Q: “Hey, Can you tell me what the new Tool album sounds like?”

A: Well, so far, it sounds like Stockhausen meets Jimmy Durante. No, actually I haven’t heard any of it yet. I did, however, see the dry erase board the other night, and even took a photo of the incomplete (Tool) arrangement on it, only to be later told by a band member not to post it. I don’t know why, though. It was ambiguous as ever. In fact, any musician would have an easier time deciphering the Voynich manuscript. Even so, I’ll go way out on a limb and predict that the new stuff sounds like… Tool. Or at least it WILL once Maynard adds everything that he does to the equation. For truly, that’s when all the colored scrawls of chord progressions, time signatures, and other abstruse musical notations on the board become the kind of Tool composition you’ve become familiar with.

But, getting back to Friday’s royal wedding involving Icke’s reptilian Overlords, let’s review the facts: April 29th, the date of the royal wedding by shape-shifting reptoids, is also leading researcher/conspiracy theorist David Icke’s birthday (Coincidence? I think… NOT.). As we’ve seen, it also happens to be the anniversary of Adolf Hitler’s marriage to Eva Braun. Plus the wedding enables any de-cloaking ELITE (with their sticky pudding!) to be near the Buckingham Palace bunkers. And, lest we not forget, the date also marks the anniversary of the riots in Los Angeles, which, as we have seen, was a staged event, as part of Draco Reptilian/Babylonian Brotherhood’s hidden agenda. All the while, the little steam train goes “toot toot toot”, doesn’t it Mr. Icke…

And how exactly did I become aware of these connections? Not because I am currently in a relationship with a relative of Eva Braun. That I can assure you (even though I truly am.). No, it began last winter while I was spending the holidays with my family on the east coast. While on the way to visit my father’s grave memorial we stopped first at the Ivy Hill Cemetery in Alexandria, Virginia. There I wanted to checkout the gravesite of Werner von Braun (1912-1977), the former WWII Peenemunde Nazi rocket development program leader - later turned American rocket scientist (via Operation Paperclip) who was instrumental in putting a man on the moon, and who may have been privy (nay, involved) in the famous Roswell crash/retrieval. What I was mainly interested in was the inclusion of the Biblical Psalm 19:1 on the rocket scientist’s modest grave marker. Translated as “The heavens declare God’s glory and the skies reveal His handiwork”, I wondered if this might be a cryptic reference to UFOs (again, as in the Roswell case?). But what happened next was strange to say the least. As we approached the site, a black sedan with darkened windows pulled up in the dappled sunlight. Seconds later we were astonished to see a figure climb out wearing a large black overcoat and WWII Nazi helmet (complete with a bright SS decal). This man, who appeared to be quite old, walked over to von Braun’s grave, bent down and removed the American flag planted there, replacing it with a tiny Nazi flag. Without saying a word, and as if totally oblivious to our presence – even as I took a photo of him!, he then walked back and got into the idling sedan. Seconds later it was gone. The whole thing happened in a matter of minutes, or even seconds actually. Once the car was out of sight, we decided to replace the American flag that originally had been placed there, completely baffled by the strange episode. After this event, for whatever reason, I decided to do more research on the von Braun, and that’s when I learned about an interview that he did with Carol Rosin prior to his death in 1977. In this interview, the scientist revealed a plot by the powers that be involving false threats by terrorists, killer asteroids, and finally a false alien threat to humankind. Deceptions apparently designed to control certain events on earth!

Okay, what other email might there be?

Q: “I was wondering if it would be possible to get all the tool songs as instrumentals. I recently found Sober on youtube with no lyrics and was thinking it'd be badass to hear them all like this. Is there a secret Maynardless album hiding somewhere? Maybe one he used as he made the lyrics I assume. Looking forward to your response.”

A: None, other than the Zamfir panpipe CD that was released about five years ago.

Continuing now with other related news, it appears that Prince William and Kate Middleton will be spending their royal honeymoon where else but LIZARD ISLAND (Australia). How romantic...

HAPPY TRAILS

BLAIR
JUSTIN
DANNY
MAYNARD
ADAM