TOOL NEWSLETTER
OCTOBER 2011, E.V.


SPECIAL SAMHAIN/HALLOWEEN ISSUE

It’s pumpkin, black beans, and turkey in your chili time, but before we get to the recipe for a cocktail called a “Brian Hemorrhage”, let’s see what’s going on with the members of the band on this Samhain/Halloween. As I’ve mentioned in the news section, Maynard’s brainchild PUSCIFER will be appearing on the Late Show with David Letterman. (There’s also some Puscifer tour updates on their website, and a video for “Conditions of my Parole” on RollingStone on-line).

If you see a tall guy wearing a red Priest Holmes (or Tony Gonzalez) jersey tailgating with a grilled meat bundle package from Festival Foods, that just might be Danny at the Chiefs/Chargers Monday Night Football game at Arrowhead Stadium. (Hope he saves room for some Gates burnt-ends on a bun.)

Although I’m not sure what he will be wearing for Halloween – better not steal my idea of going as “missing baby Lisa’s mom’s ex-boyfriend” – from what his brother Al told me, Adam’s above top secret project is going very well indeed. Good news for all Tool fans.

As for Justin, I haven’t a ghost of a notion what he’s doing tonight. Perhaps handing out salmon fillets to trick-or-treaters in Topanga Canyon.

For those who don’t like to read anything, I’ll repeat the gist of this on the “CHILDREN OF SATURN” internet radio program. As Rynne’s guest on Halloween (6:00 PM – 8:00 PM PST), I’ll also be playing some ‘spooky’ music, including Wendy Carlos’s “Clockwork Black”, Fireballet’s stirring rendition of Mussorgsky’s “Night on Bald Mountain”, Tomita’s electronic version of Bach’s “Toccata in D Minor”, and “Supper’s Ready” by an early Genesis. Time permitting; I’d also like to have Rynne put on some Lisa Gerrard, Collide, Butcher, and Lustmord. Listen at www.radio23.org/ccr.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GUYS WEARING THE TOOL MASKS?

Having conducted a thorough investigation into the whole magisterulus thing (as reported in the September newsletter), it turns out that there was a perfectly logical explanation for everything that occurred, no matter how seemingly malevolent in nature (including Bon-pa overtones and exploding toilets). That’s right. There were no legal issues with any Profession expressa compact written in bloody looking-glass Latin, no petty disputes involving the woeful bargain, no returns on black-colored gift baskets, no malediction, no curse whatsoever (and to this welcome news a toast with a flask of murdered infants!) In fact, things are looking much better now. Computer problems have been remedied by the one called Cuddy, instruments tuned and polished, and once again the Dry-Erase board is flourishing with the kind of exciting and complex musical arrangements that will put a metallic pumpkin-orange Murcielago in one’s garage! From recent band meetings there comes a renewed vigor! Agreements have been made to shorten any holiday vacations/festivities in order to spend more time writing and arranging tunes (Justin might even give up some planned birthday reveling). To sum up, the guys appear once again committed to make an attempt to accelerate the entire creative process, and to eliminate any other distractions.

Now, let’s get to those Halloween-themed cocktails that some of you have asked about: For the “Brain Hemorrhage” or “Aborted Fetus” you will need Peach schnapps, Bailey’s Irish crème and some grenadine syrup. Pouring the Bailey’s into the schnapps will cause it to coagulate, giving the appearance of human tissue or brain matter. The grenadine will give the ‘brain’ a bloody look. (Note: Use cherry brandy, and you’ve got the makings of a “Martian Organism”). By replacing the Peach schnapps with ginger ale, and Baileys with vanilla Stolichnaya vodka, you have a “JonBenet Ramsey.” Only be sure to add a crushed cherry. Although I personally find these drinks to be in particularly bad taste (not to mention down right shameful), it is, after all, Halloween. Even so, it would be equally offensive of someone to make a few slight alternations and create a new drink called “MISSING ARUBA GIRLS.” Were someone to do such a tasteless thing, they would probably start by pouring into a large glass some clear rum and blue Curacao liqueur, adding the Bailey’s Irish creme for the decomposing flesh effect, and the grenadine syrup to simulate blood. This despicable person might next garnish the distasteful concoction by tossing into the cocktail a LIVE small tropical fish. Again, this is in really bad taste, and might result in someone going straight to hell. But then again, as I write this, the Detroit Lions are beating Tim Tebow 45-3 (Go figure). Talk about throwing the Xians to the Lions! And how does one explain certain things that occurred in the recent World Series? As I understand it, Texas Rangers’ born-again outfielder Josh Hamilton hit a homerun (to take the lead) and said that GOD told him he was going to do so. That’s nice of GOD, but then the Cardinal’s David Freese hit a homerun to BEAT the Rangers in the 11th. And what song did David have playing as he stepped up to the plate. Why, it was Tool’s “Stinkfist.” Go figure…

Next month we’ll talk some more about any progress or lack thereof with a new Tool website, and maybe even start (or refute) late winter tour rumors. But, then again, maybe we’ll just have a few Thanksgiving tips, such as – if you’re planning on serving french fries with your bird, be sure to do so in a wire basket with a brown paper moment and multiple dipping sauces (of course!).

HAPPY TRAILS

BLAIR
JUSTIN
DANNY
MAYNARD
ADAM


 
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