THE BAND TOOL IN JEOPARDY (TRUE)
Other than maybe as an April Fool’s joke, here is something that I never thought that I would post. Not with this band… Well, at least, not this soon. And although I was first informed about this news over a week ago, I thought it best that I made sure that all the details were correct before posting in a newsletter. Some of you have probably already heard certain rumors or the mentioning of this on other web forums. But for many it will come as a complete surprise - as it was to me! However, as the saying goes: “shit happens”, sometimes when you least expect it to. So, with that said, here’s all that I have been told so far…
On July 16, the popular television show called “Jeopardy” had a question under the category of 4 letter band names, with the clue being “a wrench or a hammer.” Now keep in mind – this episode wasn’t broadcast from the fifth dimension, with Kebert Xela as the host, but aired in our more familiar time-axis, with Alex Trebek at the helm. This also wasn’t the episode in which the question in the category “TOOL TIME” was, “This term for a long-handled gardening tool can also mean an immoral pleasure seeker”, which was incorrectly answered by the contestant as… “What is a ho.” (The answer they were looking for being “What is a rake.”) No, the question clearly concerned 4 letter band names, with “a wrench and a hammer” as the clue. The answer, of course…”WHO ARE TOOL.” How about that! Tool, and all the aethyric pandemonium the very name conjures up, mentioned on the prime time network show “Jeopardy.”
ANSWERS/COMMENTS TO THE TOOL TEST
1)Of the dozen or so spoof Tool CDs included in the spurious catalog in the insert contained in the import (i.e. European) version of Aenima, one of them is actually real (meaning that it at least includes jam sessions by the band and various other recorded material). Though having never been released to the general public, about 30 copies were surreptitiously placed in various record stores in European cities (most of them in Poland) by members of the band and their crew during a tour over there. TRUE OR FALSE?
TRUE. But there is much more to this story - as I have been hinting at for years. Perhaps someday someone will finally figure it out, and before certain things become obsolete.
2)Coincidently, the first winner of the golden ticket “Seal of Xatanitos” contained in the 21st anniversary edition of “OPIATE” was a woman named “Goldie.” TRUE OR FALSE?
TRUE. Her name was “Goldie” and she resides in one of the Carolinas. The second winner was someone who worked at gentleman’s club in San Francisco, or, at least, used its mailing address while ordering numerous copies of the anniversary edition. I don’t remember the other three who received the “SEAL OF XATANITOS”, but a couple of them lived in Europe.
3)Danny used the alias of “Barry McCockener” when registering at hotels during tours, while Justin opted for, “Will McFinngerdo.” TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. While it is TRUE that Danny used the former, according to someone, Justin didn’t use the latter
4)One of the songs on the band’s next album will be a sequel to a song on a previous Tool album. (Hint, this song involves the concept of a transhuman.) TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. At least I’ve never heard any mention of this.
5)In the Tool song entitled “Mantra”, Maynard gently coaxed sounds out of one of his pet cats, which were recorded, and then electronically processed to create an eerie droning effect. TRUE OR FALSE?
6)A song on the next Tool record will be called “Toynbee Tyler.” The “y” in the word “Tyler” not being a typo, as the song hints at the guardian of speculative Freemasonry, and the “resurrection of the living” as opposed to the dead, which are mentioned on the original “Toynbee Tiles.” TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. I made this up based on the little ‘mystery’ surrounding the tiles.
7)Regarding Danny’s other band, “VOLTO!”, the cover art for their debut album, “Incitare” (by psychedelic artist Rick Griffin) was originally intended to be used on an album cover by the band “Steppenwolf.” TRUE OR FALSE?
8)The main riff in Tool’s ultimate hidden track entitled “PROBLEM 8: THE RIEMANN HYPOTHESIS” was played repeatedly (and rather mischievously) by Adam during the sound checks attended by unsuspecting ‘meet and greet’ guests during the recent Australian and New Zealand tour. TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. I never heard anything about Adam playing the song during the sound checks on THAT particular tour.
9)One of Danny’s favorite singer-songwriters is Joni Mitchell. TRUE OR FALSE?
10) For the “LATERALUS” tour, two band members wanted to have an orchestra perform with them on the songs, “LATERALUS”, “DISPOSITION”, “REFLECTION”, “TRIAD”, and “PUSHIT.” TRUE OR FALSE?
11) Justin first heard a recording of Jimi Hendrix – now one of his favorite musicians – while in BMB’s hotel room at the Hard Rock Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE? I actually believe this to be TRUE (improbable as it seems) based on the events that happened in the hotel room as I recall them (despite the ravages of age and insobriety). I suppose (but strongly doubt) that Justin could have just been kidding with my brother and I when he asked us what was playing on the CD (it was the ‘best’ of Jimi Hendrix), but having taken the test, herself, Justin’s wife, Shelee, emailed me that this was certainly false. So, I guess only Justin knows for sure – even though Shelee also said in the same email that Justin didn’t help her with the test. Therefore, however you answered this question, don’t count it until I find out from Justin, himself.
12)Maynard once subdued an overly enthusiastic fan on stage by placing the person in a martial arts type chokehold – all the while continuing to sing the song until members of security handled the situation. TRUE OR FALSE?
TRUE. Quite funny, actually!
13)Adam doesn’t move around much on stage because he has an artificial hip. TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. That’s just an old rumor that’s not true.
14)Danny is currently a member of a modern day “HellFire Club” that at times play midnight rounds of golf with flaming balls and the using of high tech night vision goggles instead of seeing with the older secret magical formula known as ‘drops of cat’s eyes.’ TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. As far as you know…
15)Tool both signed with their first manager and inked their first record deal (at different times) while performing at the “Coconut Teaszer” club in Los Angeles. TRUE OR FALSE?
TRUE. And I know this because I just happened to be at the club on both occasions.
16)Donning a mullet wig and the appropriate attire, Maynard once pretended to be a stage technician frantically trying to fix a problem with some equipment seconds before Tool took the stage. As the band began playing “Hooker With A Penis”, Maynard quickly stripped from his convincing disguise while doing the vocals. TRUE OR FALSE?
TRUE. I watched this show from the side of the stage with a few other guests. When it was over, a couple of crewmembers asked me how it felt to be standing next to Pamela Anderson Lee for the entire show? To which I replied, “Who?”, saying that I truly hadn’t noticed any blonde lady (I didn’t!), nor did I even know who this Pamela was. In fact, at the time, I didn’t even know who Tommy Lee was. Funniest part of being on the side of the stage that night happened when some guy kept asking me for a swig of the Jack Daniels whiskey that was in a small pewter flask that I had with me for the occasion. After numerous attempts to get some - only after I had completely drained the flask of every drop did I hand it to the annoying fellow. As I watched him take a big swig (of NOTHING, mind you!), he immediately bent over and puked on the stage! Honestly.
17)The Knights Templar artifact that Danny had melted down as part of his bronze Paiste/Jeff Ocheltree Custom Craft drum kit was found at Montsegur in the South of France on March 16 in 1998. TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. He was given the item elsewhere (Bezu?). A hint should have been the suspicious March 16 date, which marked an anniversary of the massacre of over 200 Cathar perfecti (NOT Templars) at Montsegur by the Church of Rome as part of the Albigensian Crusade.
18)With regards to one of Maynard’s other bands, the term “A PERFECT CIRCLE” comes from a book written by John Michell. TRUE OR FALSE?
TRUE. Unless I am mistaken, but that is what I was told by an ‘insider.’ Perhaps we shouldn’t count this one either? Sorry.
19)On their next record, the band will include a cover called “From A Dry Camel” by prog-metal pioneers “DUST” from their eponymously titled debut album in 1971. The Tool version will retain the same heavy echo-plex vocals, powerful bass lines, wah-wah pedal guitar lead, and a (very) loud gong intro! TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. Would be a cool cover for Tool, though!
20)Upon recently learning that “Chili John’s” in Burbank was closed for the summer, Danny had a gallon of chili overnight FED-XED from “Ben’s Chili Bowl” in Washington D.C. so that his mates could have it for lunch during the next day’s writing session. TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. Chili John’s didn’t close down for that long this summer.
21)During one of Tool’s tours in America, after the performance had ended and the house lights were turned on – they were then turned off again, with the colorful stage lightning turned on. Moments later, after almost – but not all - of the concert goers had left the venue, Danny played “Faaip de Oiad” as a LIVE hidden track that was filmed to be released on a possible future DVD release. TRUE OR FALSE?
TRUE. But where’s the live DVD?
22)On the recent Australian tour, Tool lighting director Mark ‘Junior’ Jacobson wrote with a Sharpie the name of one of the new Tool songs (mentioned already in this test?) on some of the golden (not red) squares of confetti that was shot from canons into the audience. TRUE OR FALSE?
FALSE. He did write stuff on a few pieces, but NOT the names of any new Tool songs.
23)Danny chose the original release date of JULY 23 for Volto’s “INCITARE” to coincide with the helical rising of the star Sirius (also the beginning of the “Dog Days” of summer). TRUE OR FALSE?
So, there you go. Now pat yourself on the back. Oh, and about that “curve ball” that I mentioned…