THE BAKED POTATO
3787 CAHUENGA BLVD., WEST
STUDIO CITY, CA. 91604

UPDATE - Looks like Crisis Cocktails and Green Demons (Danny style) after 10:00 PM. We hope to see you there.

In other Isis-related news, drummer AARON HARRIS recently played on, engineered, and mixed a record for a band called "ZOZOBRA." The record comes out AUGUST 5th on HYDRAHEAD RECORDS, but you can pre order it HERE and hear samples of it HERE

Track-list:

1. Testament
2. Element
3. Godeater
4. Dark Awakening
5. Ash
6. Of Eons
7. Prime [Aversion]
8. Er Ub Us

ARTWORK BY ADAM JONES

For those interested there is a limited shirt and hoodie available until July 17th with pre-orders.

LINKS:

Direct pre-order purchase LINK

Direct iTunes LINK

Lustmord SITE

Lustmord MySpace

This August, Camella's sister Debbie and her son Nick (one of the stars of the Tool newsletter for May!) will be taking part in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation's Ride to Cure Diabetes in Asheville, NC along with hundreds of other Riders across the country. Their goal: To raise $3.2 million to help fund research for a cure for type 1 diabetes and its complications. As Debbie notes in her email: "Many people think type 1 diabetes can be controlled by insulin. While insulin does keep people with type 1 diabetes alive, it is NOT a cure. Aside from the daily challenges of living with type 1 diabetes, there are many severe, often fatal, complications caused by the disease. That's the bad news... and yes, it's pretty bad. The good news, though, is that a cure for type 1 diabetes is within reach. In fact, JDRF funding and leadership is associated with most major scientific breakthroughs in type 1 diabetes research to date. And JDRF funds a major portion of all type 1 diabetes research worldwide, more than any other charity. Please visit my Ride Web Page if you would like to donate online or see how close I am to reaching my personal goal. Follow this link to make a donation." Thank you for your support!

Also, a friendly reminder that VOLTO! (DANNY CAREY, JOHN Z, KIRK COVINGTON and LANCE MORRISON) will be playing at the LA VE LEE JAZZ CLUB on JULY 16 (12514 Ventura Blvd., Studio City, CA. 91604 - 818-980-8158). We hope to see you there!

I would also like to remind those who are interested that DAILY GRAIL PUBLISHING has recently released a new HARDCOVER EDITION of my book, IJYNX (Blair MacKenzie Blake), and copies of this "Grand Dreaming of a Treasured Eye" can also be ordered via AMAZON US or AMAZON UK

In addition to these books, I'm pleased to report that DARKLORE VOL 2 is currently in preparation and should be available soon!

For my 8-year anniversary of the Toolband.com/Toolarmy.com newsletter, rather than explore a possible connection between the massacre at Oradour-sur-Glane in France in June of 1944 and a legendary hijacked treasure associated with the mystery surrounding Rennes-le-Chateau, let's see what the band members are up to these days, for certainly that must take precedence. Admittedly there isn't much, but in these 'down times', what would even the most fanatical Toolie expect? With that said, here goes:

From what I've been able to discern, ADAM is currently working at home on some entertainment industry-related project that at present I'm not at liberty to discuss. I also noticed some construction at an undisclosed spot that might or might not be an indication of some future band-related endeavor, the revealment of which (or any hints as to its exact nature) would not be beneficial to my position as content manager of this website. When not engaged in these closely-guarded activities, he has been spending time with Camella and their pets, collecting unusual pieces of art, attending L.A. Dodgers games with friend "Buzz" Osborne (now that the NBA finals are over), and playing Halo 3, of which the last time I glanced at the screen he was 'infected' I believe was the term, although I'm not at all certain by what, nor if he has recently managed to overcome this possible life-threatening (?) affliction.

As for Danny, he, too, is currently spending considerable time in his loft/studio, possibly gearing up for some music-related enterprise under the seal of secrecy and in tandem with things hidden from mortal vision. Other activities include performing with Volto!, listening to his good friends perform live fusion jazz in local clubs, collecting vintage synths and guitars, driving his Lamborghini, painting his house in a Southwestern color scheme, spending quality time with Rynne, Levi and Pharaoh and, dare I say (sotto voce, of course) working on a book with a friend whose interests include the more obscure aspects of western esotericism, although this undertaking is only known at the present time in realms supersensible (having taken great measures to see that it remains so). Equally behind the veil are plans to finally (omitted), but more about that later.

Justin continues to build a home on his new property located in some dark corner, capturing rattlesnakes in the process and relocating them to a place any divulgation of which would not be prudent on the talebearer's behalf. Besides working on new Tool riffs, he may also be working on another musical project, but if so, it's happening in private (when not on the stage at Abuelitas in Topanga Canyon that is). He also has closed the doors of Shelee and his odd emporium, Lobal Orning, but plans too revamp the associated website at some point in the very near future.

Which brings us to Maynard. Other than things told to me in strict confidence, there is currently no major denouement from MJK other than that posted on his "Puscifer" website, Myspace page and those communicated via other internet avenues (i.e. Caduceus wine-related ventures). However, to those who wait with bated breath for such things, if any exciting new information should come my way, I will post it at once. In the meantime, although this is merely speculation on my part, he has probably got a few (dozen) things in the works, though hopefully taking care of those pipes of his.

As a unit, the band members also have plans to complete a couple of new projects. Unfortunately, however, these are both irrevealable at the present time, although one of their attorneys (name withheld) tells me that one of these 'intrigues' is very close to becoming a reality. So, there you have it...

CORNHOLE TOURNAMENT PLAY ON THE SUMMER SOLSTICE

Of course not everything in the world of TOOL is a supreme mystery. On the summer solstice (June 20), members of TEAM TOOL (Danny Carey & A Jones [in this case, the A standing for Adam's brother Alan] squared off against members of TEAM ISIS (Aaron Harris & Cliff Meyer) in a best of three series of "Cornhole" on the Tool team's home court layout. Although Harris and Meyer were more experienced at this corn toss game, Carey and Jones managed to win two out of three contests using official ACA regulations. Much to the amazement of all those in attendance, the score of the second match was 24-0 (well, perhaps the regulations were bent a bit), with several 'Wilmans' tossed by both players! It should perhaps be noted that TEAM ISIS did manage to defeat Adam and myself in an earlier game, despite an exciting zitch towards the end. It also should be noted that earlier in the week, possibly being fluke in light of the numbers of beers consumed by both sides!, TEAM TOOLARMY (BMB & MERCH) took two out of three games against TEAM ISIS (some pretty damn good corn pitchers!), mainly due to Merch being able to stick all four bags on the raised platform several times, and 3 bags simultaneously going through the hole on the last series of tosses.

IJYNX HARDCOVER ON AMAZON.COM (ADVERTISEMENT)

Being that it is the 8-year anniversary of my newsletter (sort of), it would be irresponsible of me not to mention that a new HARDCOVER of my book IJYNX put out by DAILY GRAIL PUBLISHING is now available from Amazon.com (both Amazon U.S. and U.K.) The current edition contains LOTS of new material, including two additional prose-poems concerning REALLY esoteric Freemasonry entitled "The Jewel of Divine Anthropophagy" and "A Cornucopiae Between Compasses" with lengthy commentaries to both, an author's foreword to the new edition, additional footnotes, different type-setting and layout, and even a somewhat new front and cover design. Kudos to editor Greg Taylor for producing the book the way I originally envisioned it! (as well as for having the courage to publish such an against-the-grain peculiarity!). To ORDER a copy, click HERE FOR THE U.S. or HERE FOR THE U.K.

IJYNX

By
BLAIR MacKENZIE BLAKE

"Incorporating a magical vocabulary and nightside symbolism, IJYNX is a unique collection of occult prose-poems by an author who has been studying, experimenting, and writing about the western esoteric tradition for over twenty years. While some of the mystical verses attempt to convey ritually-machined hyperdimensions of consciousness (including encounters with the trans-mundane entities that inhabit these parallel continua), others contain, rather inexplicably, detailed knowledge of a higher Arcanum involving the alchemical entelechy of the dead. And still others challenge even the author's initiated interpretation of things perceived in the ontological spectrum of a 'Magizoth', other than to suggest, upon a closer examination of the cryptic word play, that they are anti-apotropaic in nature, and offer, at the very least, rare fleeting glimpses of the Grand Dreaming of a Treasured Eye."

photo by Rynne Stump

HAPPY TRAILS!

Also, just in case you didn't know, after five years of serving Topanga Canyon and parts of the world without rattlesnakes, Justin and Shelee have CLOSED their shop "LOBAL ORNING", although they do plan on revamping the website (www.lobalorning.com) with lots of "cool stuff" sometime in August. We'll keep you posted.

CONTINUED FROM THE TOOL NEWSLETTER, MAY 2007 e.v.

[...A few kilometers further up the road soldiers brandishing machine guns stop us. As a couple of them approach the car, I pick up my copy of the Grimoire of Pope Honorius III and turn to a page with an enchantment against firearms: To make a gun misfire, say the following words: "Abla, Got, Bata, Bata, Bleu... Now I wish I had purchased the bottle of Holy Water back at the town with the dogs with the mange, scabs and rot. And I believe I saw another spell to avoid an interrogation. It's either that or maybe give them the CD with the Mexican pop artist. Damn those Tool enthusiasts with all their nasty e-mails saying they won't rest until the curse is formally removed. What, is rodeo season over already! I still haven't tried a mysterious salty hamburguesa. Astral Kat suddenly appears with a traveler (margarita): "Looks like a cliffhanger, ay?"]

A couple of the soldiers peer into our car and then with deadpan expressions gesture that we turistas are free to continue on to their soon-to-be newest 7 Wonders of the World (beating out the Sydney Opera House I predict to Kat in the plano astral) where something FAR... FAR... FAR more menacing awaits us. Closing the dreaded grimoire, I suddenly realize that the most likely explanation for the soldiers' presence is that we are now crossing from Quintana Roo into the Mexican state of Yucatan. The corpse in the brush alongside the road was probably just a coincidence if, in fact, it wasn't a Semana Santa/Pascua hunt involving a farmer who fed crayons to his chickens. Either way, this is all good, as I certainly don't want my research of the behavior patters of leaf-cutter ants to go to waste (the book being much better than the four-minute movie). Smiling at the armed soldiers, we denizens of Arguelles' technosphere proceed with less than transdimensional travel down the sun-dappled road towards the ruins of the famous Mayan temple city of Chichen Itza.

ZONA ARQUEOLOGICA CHICHEN ITZA

Parking our poor ponies under a shady tree, we are anxious to check out the elaborate temple city of the feathered solar decoders. Although we have come to marvel over the spectacular feats of ancient engineering, before we can get to a single piece of rubble, not to mention any confusing occult cartoons or other revelatory puzzles codified in stone, we, of course, are accosted by shimmering hordes of souvenir peddlers - those prisoners of the terrestrial envelope with their own brand of harmonic calibrations. "What the hell happened to the Thirteen Heavens" I wonder as Danny and I purchase for "almost free!" a couple of low grade tee shirts colorfully emblazoned with all kinds of astronomical witchery and the promise of transcendent realms.

I understand that these persistent fellows are here at the behest of the Mayan avatars of a galactic federation, and at first their ornamental trifles are somewhat amusing, but after so much of the exact same crap being pushed on us for "almost free!", one can't help but wonder if the hawker bio-circuitry isn't receiving a garbled dispatch from the stellar core (Hunab Ku?), making any cosmic/geological catastrophe such as the 2012 end date/transition not too damn terrifying. "Alright, one more ceramic jaguar... wait, make that a heart-devouring eagle, and then let's get on with resonant attunement, shall we?... Shit, had I known that Taj Mahal wasn't just a pretty good premium Lager, I would have taken my business there!"

After paying the nominal entrance fee, amid the shrill birdcall and steamy jungle cacophony (kind of-sort of), we go directly to what is considered by many to be the greatest of all Mayan Temples. This is the imposing, much photographed pyramid-calendar known as El Castillo, with its steep staircases now roped off I suppose to prevent any further calamities at the jewel-encrusted altar of its terraced platforms by enlightened wizard kings or richly-feathered sorcerers, but mostly to keep the gringos down on the well-kept grounds by those laden with "almost free!" wooden knick-knacks. Making my way to the North staircase where at times a natural phenomenon of sunlight and shadow project the illusion of an enormous undulating serpent, I tell myself that I must come back on some completely overcast Vernal (spring) Equinox (yep, due to the peddler swarm). After examining this further example of Mayan astronomical prowess, next, it's on to The Plaza of a Thousand Pillars. One... Two... Three... (a lacuna)... Nine hundred and ninety-eight... Nine hundred and ninety-nine... One thousand ... some with faded painted carvings and oodles of mystical doodles.

The Temple of Warriors lies ahead, but it's now getting very hot and humid, and even with all these galleries and colonnades a certain girl from Texas tells me that she is getting tired and would like to rest. A leisurely stroll to the edge of the Great Cenote (Sacred Well of Sacrifice) ought to cheer her up I would imagine.

As we approach the brink of the large circular limestone sinkhole where beautiful maidens were once cast into the slimy water by cruel priests to propitiate the angry gods, I see that Adam, Camella, and Kevin Willis are also peering down at it. The inscription on the plaque of the sacrificial well mentions that numerous artifacts including obsidian knives, copal, gold, and bowls of jadeite were once recovered from its Stygian darkness, but barely touches on the fact that among these offerings were lots of human bones, mostly of young maidens. What an enigma the Maya were, I think to myself, what with all the frozen mathematics of their gleaming metropolis, these mediators of the sun... these diviners of harmony had somehow mistook the reflections of those standing above the cenote (i.e. themselves!) as being those people, priests, and gods who inhabited its murky green depths... those whom they were attempting to appease via offerings of treasure and human lives. Perhaps there is something more to the story of the terrible cenote, something that escaped the reports of de Landa and the others. Again, perhaps one needs an esoteric interpretation of the complex pageantry and macabre scenography involving the Mayas' ritual murder and Xibalban deities to fully understand the gruesome legends.

But this will have to wait as some of us are hot and tired and want to seek refuge in the closest cafeteria. Recalling the popular song by "The Pussycat Dolls", I begin to sing to a low voice "Don't you wish your girlfriend was stuck in a cenote..." And speaking of the galactic beam, they're back. Droves of hawkers with the exact same things for "almost free!" To these eager providers of mosaic jaguar masks and miniature walls of skulls (tzompantli), I explain that I would be happy to negotiate for a tee shirt with the unicode for the 'NO' symbol involving a bottle of mescal (with worm). I attempt to describe this - in my eye, the greatest of all tourist goods: "A bottle of mescal (with worm) with a diagonal line through it... A bottle of mescal (with worm) displayed in a circle with a red slash across it..." but all to no avail. Again, the mosaic jaguar mask is pushed on me for "almost free!" even though I know that they're now going to go and manufacture that tee shirt.

Glancing up at the scorching sun, I'm tempted to sing that it's a beautiful day for a ballgame. I'd sure like to have a look at that masonry ball court (the largest in Mesoamerica) before we succumb to the harmonic calibrations of a microwave oven in the cafeteria, but even Kevin Willis is now complaining about the f***ing heat! Still, Adam, Camella, Danny, Rynne, Jose, Nick, Willis, Matt, and I head towards the vertical walls with their stone rings where hundreds of spectators once passionately enjoyed a sport that is believed to have many similarities with today's game of basketball (if so, I'll bet a cup of the watered-down balche was damn expensive!). Looking around the court, I try to imagine what it might have been like all those centuries ago: To the sound of cheers and conch shell trumpets, Mayan kings in all their marine-shell finery (yes, there were even luxury boxes for the elite and Jack Nicholson types) wash spicy green peanuts down with an intoxicating beverage as the players attempt to knock a solid rubber ball through the scoring rings with their heavily-padded hips and forearms. And of course there must have been bad officiating... and gambling.

While taking some photos of Danny pretending to 'posterize' an opponent (with recently torn bicep and all!), due to the structure's mysterious acoustics, I very clearly perceive a faint voice with numerous echoes (nine, I believe I counted). The voice of this still unexplained sound-reflection is not coming from the ghost of some ornately-feathered Mayan king... nor is it the whisper from the spirit of a skilled Pok-a-Tok player. It doesn't even emanate (remarkably enough) from a souvenir peddler hawking his wares. It is from someone who is hot and tired, and wants to rest for a bit in the cafeteria. However, before leaving, we search for the bas-reliefs of the losing players (some suggest, rather, the captain of the victors) being decapitated. But what if the scholars and aficionados of Maya culture have it all wrong? Suppose that the elaborate rituals that accompanied the matches (including a ritual beheading) involved a luminous violet-tinged alchemical substance that was associated with the true 'galactic' sojourners - an endogenous tryptamine, perhaps, the potency of which a beating heart was detrimental to. How's that for a crackpot notion?

Danny and Rynne are checking out the domelike astronomical observatory (El Caracol) used by those Maya Priests who were versed in the night script. This is the misshapen structure made famous by von Daniken's ancient astronaut books, and something that I definitely want to see. Meanwhile we're having nuked pepperoni pizza, hamburgers and Cokes in the cafeteria. Danny is making Venus observations in the enchanted jungle green and I might as well be at Buzzy's Pizza circus in Victorville. Sinister Xibalbans! My mood changes, however, when a rested LaraLee tells me that Adam appeared to be amazed by the attention to detail while examining the diorama of Chichen Itza in its museum. There, among the sprawling grounds, was a realistic depiction of the fossilized remains of a winged creature nearly as large as some of the more impressive structures on the site. This monstrous thing turned out to be the one they call mariposa nocturna, an ordinary moth that managed to get trapped inside the diorama where it was now in the latter stages of decomposition - something that Adam (and LaraLee) knew damn well. Nevertheless, it was a nice try on his part, and I get a good laugh out of it.

I leave Chichen Itza having seen many wonderful things - imposing structures whose architecture involved stellar alighnments and fractual calendrics, an eerie cenote of dark legends, and masonry ball court with its enigmatic carvings of ancient pageantry. There were feathered serpent columns, terrifying stone visages, and mosaic jaguar masks, even a pretty good mysterious salty hamburguesa. About the only thing that I didn't see was the parade of leaf-cutter ants, although as we walk towards the parking lot, I witness something even better. This was numerous pieces of flowers magically 'floating' down from a ceiba tree onto the verdant jungle floor. Strange!

TULUM

Reaching Tulum, there is still enough sunlight left to hit the palapa bar on Camella's favorite beach. In that there's more to life than examining the glyphs encoded by the Tollanauts on intricately carved stelae, shots of tequila and a round or two of Modelos are ordered. After this much needed ritual, before heading back to the Casa Iguana, we stop at Mezzanine, a boutique hotel/Thai fusion restaurant on the beach near the cliff-top ruins. With items on the menu like duck with spicy tangerine sauce and chipolte-red chicken breast, we order enough to share, even though Jose and Nick are "starving" (not to mention Danny-longlegs). Although the restaurant is modern and clean, the one thing I find strange among the stylish ambience are the signs in the bathroom pleading with its patrons not to flush any tissue in the toilet, but, instead, to place it in a small trash receptacle (so much for Arguelles' technosphere). And speaking of signs, another one lets us know that cigar smokers are welcome. Woohoo! The only problem is that we don't have any, and finding one on the Mayan Riviera at this hour on a Sunday night proves to be extremely difficult. I say this because, following our meal, Danny, Jose, and I embark on a quest that takes us to nearly every beachside resort on the way back to Akumal where at times we come close, but no cigar.

CASA IGUANA, AKUMAL

Probably having should have known what lobster tail flamed with almond tequila leads to, the oceanfront villa is rockin' the way its owners always dreamt it would be. Seated around the pool in Adirondack chairs, we make the most from our provisions purchased from the motorized hippie woman at the "Super Chonak." But while the more responsible of us are chasing shots of what has been described as "Mexico's only legal immigrant" with less than "Superior" beer, film and video artists Adam, Kevin and Matt are amassing tons of stock footage of some phosphorescent insects that the entomologist with the silver Patron and beer easily identifies as a bioluminescent diptera (or similar creature). Heck, everybody knows that. Even dead elephants know that. Even the girl that went missing in Aruba knows that... But what's this! Perhaps having had two too many glasses of Cuban rum mixed with diluted fruit juice, Danny's girl seems to have soured a bit on the Maya. In fact, she seems positively over the diviners of harmony and mediators of the sun, using some choice words to describe them that any self-respecting Mayanist in a khaki vest and straw hat would find absolutely horrifying. Need I remind her that they gave us basketball, Chicklets, and the zero? And if that wasn't enough, a calendar that accurately predicts the end of the world as we know it, along with a science of a higher mind utilizing a galactic synchronization beam. Did I mention Chicklets? Methinks this sudden Maya bashing has something to do with the sun. She probably isn't looking forward to visiting Coba with its MILES of paths between the sprawling ruins in the afternoon heat and humidity. Still, is this any reason to call them_____________________________________________! Well, maybe.

Walking back to my room, as I pass the crumbs of the spilled Pringles, there it is again - that eerie feeling of an unknown presence lurking among the tropical foliage. I think I see something fairly large in the hibiscus and alamana. An iguana perhaps? But as before, the feeling of dread quickly passes, and I climb into bed with Sorror Mystika Dilla. Over the crash of Caribbean surf, and rustling of something in the thatched roof, I hear the drunken laughter of those who are not quite ready to call it a night, until there is only Jose - the last man standing. Presumably hugging a bottle of tequila and beer, I can hear him pacing about, looking for a drinking buddy. Between swigs, in a rather vociferous manner, he calls us all wusses - that blend of wimp and pussy - just for surrendering to inactivity. I'll bet that faux-blonde chica in the bikini on the beer can looks pretty good to him about now... If he keeps it up much longer, he'll be barking at the ants...

APRIL 9

With the morning comes the news of Jose - in the mysterious language of the Zuvuya - talking on the big white telephone. No mere Technicolor yawn, there are numerous witnesses to what is described as sheer pandemonium in the villa's bathroom, the barrage of blue agave eruptions unprecedented for this part of the world with, perhaps, an all- hell-let-loose outcry for every gulp of the creature taken. Of course, deglutition as it might have been, while trolling the void, this is blamed by Jose on something that he ate at the Thai-fusion restaurant, just like everyone who blows chunks after a 3-day drinking binge blames it on a couple of midnight Jack-In-The-Box tacos.

Jose shows little interest in having an ice cold Modelo for breakfast at the palapa bar on one of Akumal's sparkling white sand beaches. I, however, do order one while trying to figure out my best strategy for ordering the chilidog on the menu. The problem is that there's an all-beef hotdog, a hotdog with cheese, and a chilidog that may or may not be all-beef. When the mostly Spanish-speaking waiter returns, I ask him if I can order an all-beef hotdog with some chili on the side? "Is not possible" he tells me. "Okay, then I'll just have an all-beef hotdog." "Do you want chili on it?" he enquires. "Ummm... yes." Then there's something on the menu called "Huitlacoche", with a description that reads: "Considered a delicacy in Mexico. Don't ask what it is, just try it!" I don't know why, but for some reason this calls to mind the dead body that we saw alongside the road to Chichen Itza...

Now it's time to figure out what the plan is for the day. Willis suggests renting a boat to go fishing in the Caribbean, but Jose quickly nixes this. Camella wants us all to go horseback riding to some cavernous cenote. What about chapped thighs, someone asks? While beating his drumsticks on a rubber practice pad (trying to get his bicep back in shape), Danny informs us that Rynne and he are going to explore the ruins at Coba. In that the rest of us already have plans to visit Coba in a couple of days, Adam, Camella, and Matt decide to take a guided tour on horseback to some magical sinkhole. LaraLee and I agree to have a day of leisure - namely staying right here at the palapa bar and drinking. What about chapped thighs, someone asks? Camella suggests that we also go snorkeling because while doing so yesterday she saw a Spotted Eagle Ray, a barracuda, some turtles and eel. Noticing all the ninos wading in the turquoise surf, I can't help but wonder if she also encountered any butt guppies in this kaleidoscope of marine life? Jose still shows little interest in an ice cold can of Modelo, and upon the arrival of my chilidog looks as if he's about to de-food again.

When Danny and Rynne return to the Casa Iguana several hours later, Rynne doesn't seem the least bit frazzled by the heat while walking for what should have been miles of trails connecting the jungle-covered ruins at the archaeological site of Coba. In fact, she seems happy and even invigorated, carrying a couple of bags of groceries from a carniceria in Tulum. Turns out, for about 900 pesos, they hired a bicycle-like conveyance, and had a driver pedal them to the various structures. Ah, human-powered tricycles. Chalk one up for the technosphere. With Willis and I manning the grill, cocktails around the pool, and some night-snorkling, this night at the villa is very similar to the others, except that one of us is now a teetoller.

APRIL 10

I wake up early and hike up to the "Super Chomac" to get a hungover girl from Texas a pack of Marlboro lights and can of Dr. Pepper. When I return, I notice that Adam is cranking out some ZZ Top on his boom box, possibly in honor of a girl from Texas. I can't help but feel a bit sad this morning because LaraLee, Danny and Rynne have to leave later in the afternoon. Still, there's enough time for one more trip to the beach with its shade palapa and excellent selection of "mas cerveza por favor!" Unfortunately, Danny also has his sights set on the beach, wanting to get in some last minute snorkeling. So the question becomes: Will he make it back to the villa in time to pack his stuff, drive the rental car to the Cancun Airport, return the rental and catch his flight home? This is a concern to me as I've arranged for him (and Rynne) to drop off LaraLee at the airport as well, seeing how her flight to Houston leaves around the same time. As the hours go by, nervously smoking cigarette after cigarette by the pool, the girl from Texas becomes convinced that she's going to miss her plane and be stranded in Cancun. Kevin Willis assures her that it will be close, but that "Danny always makes it... He might drive [with unbridled enthusiasm], but he always makes it."

About an hour before his plane is scheduled to depart, Danny and Rynne return from the beach. Checking his watch, Dan figures that he has just enough time to shower and pack his things before heading to the airport (which by my best estimate is about an hour away). Twenty minutes later, Danny and Rynne are ready to go, and, saying our goodbyes, LaraLee climbs into the back seat. As they pull away, Willis' words go through my head: "He always makes it", and I get white-knuckles thinking about what's in store for the girl from Texas.

When they're gone, Willis, Matt and I return to the shade palapa-bar on the beach to fortify ourselves before dinner. Soon those with snorkels arrive, Camella showing us a superb conch shell that she somehow detached from the sea-floor. This calls for shots of Patron all around. Even Jose is back on the horse, only hopefully these aren't "bungie shots" he's doing, and after eating a bunch of lasagna Bolognese served in a coconut shell, he won't be calling Captain Nemo all day tomorrow. But, what's this!.. When the two brothers spot a couple pretty things lying on a beach towel near the sandy cantina, it's Matt who quickly introduces himself, returning many pesos later with a full report. Turns out that the sunbathing honeys are German arms dealers on vacation, and that he's invited them to dinner tonight. Accessing the situation, I tell him that I've never had much luck with German arms dealers, and that it's probably going to be tough to pick up on one, even for a good-looking guy that's the senior VFX artist for "Aliens vs Predator." So far there are no text messages on Camella's Blackberry from LaraLee, so hopefully the pod of dolphins that told me telepathically that she made her flight weren't just f***ing around. Crumbling an empty can of Modelo, I could go for a bit more languor of the tropics, but I left my Panetelas back at the room. It's time to trade in this bar stool for a chaise lounge (or hammock) back at the good old Iguana.

LA BUENA VIDA, NORTH AKUMAL

Instead of making a left on the road in front of the Casa Iguana, for whatever reason we decide to go to the right, and walk into a world that we didn't know existed. This is "Half Moon Bay" (I believe), and "La Buena Vida." In this case, "the good life" is a beach restaurant with the skeleton of an enormous sea serpent above the bar (whose bones Kevin Willis wants us to believe washed ashore during Hurricane Wilma), bar swings, and tree-house-like lookout perches in which buckets of beer are hoisted up to be consumed while one enjoys the magnificent sunset. The menu looks good as well, so we order some of the ubiquitous lime soup and other Yucatecan specialties, finishing them off with flaming coffee drinks made with anisette liqueur and tequila while waiting for at least one of the beautiful frauleins to show up.

CASA IGUANA, AKUMAL

The bulb in my palapa-roofed bedroom has burned out again. Choking to death on fumes of the Pine-Soled wooden floor, while hunting for a book by the dim beam of my violet mini-Maglight, on the bedspread, wasting the precious hours, I see one of the largest cockroaches that I've ever encountered. The girl from Texas would have been terror-stricken. In that the enormous bastard's not even bio-luminescent, with a hiking boot, I mash it into some kind of horrific crème brulee, and save it for Jose if he calls me a wuss later. So far it's been all fun and games, but tomorrow some of us will have their work cut out for them. As 'time tourists', by activating the hyper-circuitry of the Pacal Votan module and aided by my spirit guide Azotochtli, the little digger of the space-time continuum, it will finally be time to lift the "San Antonio Curse" once and for all.

ZONA ARQUELOGICA COBA
APRIL 11

What can I say about Coba? Waterlily-covered lakes in the forests of Quintana Roo. Pyramids, temples, plazas, and ball courts that are for the most part unrestored, with the stone edifices of numerous other mysterious structures still overgrown with jungle. Seated in the back of a human-powered tricycle, I check out the site as scarlet macaw, lizards, and spider monkeys bejewel the lush vegetation. Willis, who once climbed Kilimanjaro in his bathrobe, thinks the bikes are lame, but as the sun climbs higher in the cerulean blue sky he begins to appreciate these comforts of the technosphere. As we are taken to the various ruins, those visitors on foot glare at us with jealous contempt, some uttering unintelligible discord and appearing as if they're about to collapse from the tropical heat. There are no tamarind margaritas and costumed mariachis here (although I'm sure they're coming!), and these fatigued souls know it. After we stop to climb the seven levels of "Nohoch Mul", one of the highest Mayan structures, I, too, feel like I'm about to pass out, and it takes every once of concentration to climb back down the steep staircase without falling. Once in the forest below, however, a bottle of ice-cold water does one wonders.

Next we explore the ominous sloping ball court with carvings depicting Poc-a-Tok players without uniforms. After that, we seek out the chiseled inscriptions of certain stelae lying beneath withering thatched sheds, including one containing the apocalyptic December 21, 2012 A.D. date (even though I am told that Mayan slabs do occasionally show dates beyond the doomsday 2012), looking for a specific harmonic. Eventually we find a deteriorating moss-grown treasure whose complex glyphic text just might record the existence of the esoteric 'black' sun of Maya cosmology. But is this really Arguelles' galactic master-code for DNA shifts or an ancient recipe for fillet of hog-fish? As do some others, we decide that the crumbling stone column encoded by the enigmatic Tollanauts does describe cosmic conjunctions and evolutionary energies, but even with 5-D planetary consciousness at stake, it's f***ing hot, and some of us are ready to head back to the turquoise paradise of Tulum. However, Adam bought his guy a Coke, so he and Camella are taken on the grand tour, which includes those dilapidated wonders that our guy said were uninteresting and insignificant. Actually, the 12-year-old Yucatanean driver's exact words were " Come, gentlemen, we sit too long on trifles." Oh, well, with our work done here, we leave Coba with a new sense of wonder and something that we probably should have left undisturbed. (Note: Oddly enough, on the way to Tulum we stop at a roadside shack to purchase some Mayan handicrafts, and there's astral Kat).

TULUM

Back at our favorite watering hole, once again we are eating the bread of idleness when Camella receives a text message on her Blackberry that changes the cheerful mood. Evidently Danny doesn't ALWAYS make it. Turns out that he missed his flight, although he was able to catch another a couple of hours later. Not so for LaraLee, who was stranded in Cancun for the night due to the lack of flights going to Houston. It is evident from the tone of the message that she is pissed. Her reply to my earlier text message about seeing the cockroach in the bedroom lets me know in no uncertain terms that her experience (or nightmare as she put it) "was much worse than seeing a cockroach !!!" Reading this, I glance over at Camella and ask if she thinks I should reply with "You didn't see the size of this cockroach." She tells me that, given the circumstances, this probably isn't such a great idea, so I decide not to poke the hornets' nest with a stick, and hope for the best.

CASA IGUANA, AKUMAL

I walk into the living room where Willis, Jose and Nick are watching a B-movie that shows some ridiculous-looking ants terrorizing an office building. For whatever reason I ask Willis how the ants got so big, and he explains that they ate some Pringles that were spilled in the grass. PRINGLES? Are you shitting me! I think about the new-fangled potato crisps that Jose or someone spilled by my bedroom, and of the assortment of somewhat oversized critters that I'd encountered over the past week. I also think about the feeling of dread that I experienced at times... and suddenly I wonder if there might be something much more formidable lying in wait. Heading back to my room, with my violet mini-Maglight, and some trepidation I turn in for what turns out to be a restless night.

APRIL 12

As sure as the fact that the cremated ashes of the inventor of the Pringles can are contained inside a Pringles can, when I awake the next morning and step barefoot outside, there sitting on the doorstep is the object of my worse nightmare. With my disbelieving eyes riveted on it, I freeze on the spot, too temporarily paralyzed with fear to react, or find a weapon. All I can do is stare at it as it sits there, silent and still in the hot morning sun. It looks like a giant wolf-spider... or is it a vinegaroon? This arachniphobe has never seen anything like it. Is it some kind of tropical bugaboo stirred up by hurricane Wilma! My God, what have we done? Even though time machines don't really just run on plutonium and biofuels, we should have never removed anything from the ruins at Coba. Can somebody tell me that this thing isn't really here!

Eventually I manage to get Jose's attention, and point at the monster. "Oh yeah, I saw that earlier" he says nonchalantly and starts to walk away. Moments later, Adam comes over and starts playing with the damn thing, jumping back as it scurries towards him with lightning speed, nearly crawling up his leg and into the colorful swimming trunks were he keeps his balls. In all the commotion, a Mexican gardener wanders over and, seeing the creature, says "Las arenas!", attempting to explain to Adam in broken English that it is indeed poisonous, and, if bitten, can turn one's flesh black. With this in mind, soon Adam and Matt carefully gather up the impressive specimen, holding it captive in a cocktail blender where they can digitally film it from every conceivable angle. An hour or so later, when they finally release it back into the wild, I watch with horrified fascination as it moves with lightning-like speed right into the waiting pink mouth of a large iguana that Willis had earlier been feeding leftover grilled fajita steak... The thing's not so tough, I think, and let out a triumphant laugh. However, the brief feeling of overwhelming peace and tranquility is shattered by terrible news from home...

While packing for our late afternoon flights back to Los Angeles, Camella gets a message that something is wrong with her beloved Great Dane, Diablo. According to those who were taking care of it, his leg is oozing puss from some type of wound, and it's now getting worse. Having taken it to the emergency room at the animal hospital, the vet thinks that it might be cancer, is planning on doing a biopsy. From the description of the wound, it sounds to me like a Brown Recluse spider bite*. At first Camella doesn't want to hear this, but it is, after all, better than cancer. Either way, she decides to take an earlier flight with Adam back to Los Angeles.

T. G. I. FRIDAYS, CANCUN AIRPORT

Adam has convinced his wife that Diablo will be all right, and that there's nothing that she can do until they get back home. With this and other reassurances, her spirit has brightened a bit, and the overall mood is one of sending out positive vibes. Over Cheesy Bacon Cheeseburgers, Adam and Matt proudly show a growing assemblage of bemused Mexican waiters photos of the creature in their cameras' display screens. (Note: Research later confirmed the thing to be not a spider, but a tailless Mexican scorpion). With dessert comes an announcement of our flight status. Soon it will be time to leave the Mayan Riviera, and head back home where it will be time to navigate the river of time like those galactic sojourners, the Maya. In this way, armed with a pocket edition of the Grimoire of Pope Honorius III, and its very effective counter-spells not to be performed by the fearful, we might just be able to remove a curse that occurred in San Antonio's Freeman Coliseum on November 12, 2002 after a fire in the band's dressing room prompted venue officials to require the guys to pay several thousand dollars in damages.

* I was right with my diagnosis. Diablo had been bit by a Brown Recluse spider - the first time their vet had seen a case in over twenty years of practice. Treated with antibiotics, steroids, and love, the wound eventually healed and "boy" can still sometimes be seen with sister "Tesla" around happy hour at the "Fox & Hounds" pub in Studio City.

photo of the creature by Matt Santoro

HAPPY TRAILS

Click HERE TO ORDER A COPY IN THE U.S., or HERE IN THE U.K.

IJYNX
by
BLAIR MacKENZIE BLAKE

"Incorporating a magical vocabulary and nightside symbolism, IJYNX is a unique collection of occult prose-poems by an author who has been studying, experimenting, and writing about the western esoteric tradition for over twenty years. While some of the mystical verses attempt to convey ritually-machined hyperdimensions of consciousness (including encounters with the trans-mundane entities that inhabit these parallel continua), others contain, rather inexplicably, detailed knowledge of a higher Arcanum involving the alchemical entelechy of the dead. And still others challenge even the author's initiated interpretation of things perceived in the ontological spectrum of a 'Magizoth', other than to suggest, upon a closer examination of the cryptic word play, that they are anti-apotropaic in nature, and offer, at the very least, rare fleeting glimpses of the Grand Dreaming of a Treasured Eye."

THE KNITTING FACTORY
7021 HOLLYWOOD BLVD.
LOS ANGELES, CA., 90028

JELLO's BIG 5-O BIRTHDAY PARTY
JELLO BIAFRA & THE MELVINS with special guest ADAM JONES

WHERE

THE GREAT AMERICAN MUSIC HALL, SAN FRANCISCO, CA.

WHEN

JUNE 16 (TONIGHT) and JUNE 17

R.S.V.P.

www.voltoband.com

Adam's photo showing Danny's hand pre-second surgery.

A couple of albums that AJ performed on with Jello Biafra & The Melvins.

EMAIL Q & A

Q: "This strange business mentioned in the April newsletter... was it the allowance of the all Tool issue of Revolver magazine? Or is something else that is still yet to be announced? Since the date of the newsletter is April 1st (hopefully not some fools day scheme) I thought that it was possible that the magazine issue just had not been announced yet so it seems like a plausible theory. But if the magazine was in fact not the issue discussed at the meeting, without direct comment on what this strange thing may be, my only concern is wondering is if it was something else. Please reply, or clarify in a later post on the website in hopes of something to look forward to."

A: That mentioned in the April (1) newsletter had NOTHING to do with the all-Tool issue of "Revolver" Magazine, although at this time I am still not able to disclose any further information about any decision made by the band as to whether it's a go or not. It's my belief, however, that if it is a go, this will most likely be leaked on the Net before I get a chance to post it. Perhaps it already has been (I'm not really sure). Also, with regards to my last ToolArmy exclusive, that involves an entirely different project that is most definitely a go (Again, please be patient).

photo by Camella Grace

THE KNITTING FACTORY
7021 Hollywood Blvd., Los Angeles, Ca. 90028
323.463.0204

"We Are The Shadows"
Opening Reception: Saturday, May 10th, 2008 (8pm - 11pm)
May 10th, 2008 - May 31st, 2008
2525 Michigan Avenue T5. Santa Monica, CA 90404
Phone: 310-829-2156
www.copronason.com

"Last, but not least, I'm coming to the U.K.! My big LONDON SOLO SHOW opens FRIDAY, JUNE 13th at Strychnin Gallery London. I have another brand new set of pieces for this show as well. It's called "Ugly American" and I will have an e flyer to send out as that gets closer. I will be in attendance and a limited edition catolog of my "Ugly American" paintings is being produced for the show." For now, you can go HERE for additional info.

(Note: There's also a good article about the Swiss chemist written by ALEX GREY in COSM JOURNAL VOL. IV, 2006 (Entheo Art). In the same issue (which is, in fact, dedicated to Hofmann), Alex has penned another article about TOOL entitled "TOOL: SONIC VISIONARIES." Actually, the entire issue is devoted to the visionary symbolism of various artists, and the role psychoactive substances have played in their creations. Copies might still be available in the store at www.cosm.org.)

Release Date: APRIL 29th, 2008 of the vulgar era.

LA VE LEE
12514 Ventura BLVD.
Studio City, CA. 91604
818-980-8158 www.laveleejazzclub.com

ALSO performing at the La Ve Lee THIS WEDNESDAY (APRIL 9) will be "KIRK", featuring VOLTO'S KIRK COVINGTON on DRUMS (along with Scott Tibbs and Trey Henry).

And finally, NEXT MONDAY (APRIL 14J, VOLTO, HIMSELF, J.Z., will be celebrating the 3rd year of his HUBCAP CORRAL MONDAY NIGHT JAMMMZ by dragging out the squeaky old Weber grill in the back parking lot for a Texas-style (well, almost) 'que. These are usually pretty damn good, so plan on coming out early to join in on the gluttony... and on the stage with other musicians. We hope to see you there!

THE BAKED POTATO
3787 CAHUENGA BLVD, WEST
UNIVERSAL CITY, CA. 91604

Camella in Akumal, Mexico. Photo by BMB

photo from last night's skullet party... still in progess, actually.

Apr 13 - Ikra Club, Moscow
Apr 15 - Uebel & Gefaehrlich w/ Jakob, Hamburg
Apr 16 - Conne Island w/ Jakob, Leipzig
Apr 17 - Forum w/ Jakob & The Austerity Program, Bielefeld
Apr 18 - ROADBURN Fest w/ Celtic Frost, Electric Wizard, etc., Tilburg
Apr 19 - Grenslandhallen - POLSSLAG FESTIVAL, Hasselt
Apr 20 - Substage w/ Jakob & The Austerity Program, Karlsruhe
Apr 22 - Arena w/ Jakob & The Austerity Program, Vienna
Apr 23 - Feierwerk w/ Jakob & The Austerity Program, Munich
Apr 24 - Latte w/ The Austerity Program & Jakob, Brescia
Apr 25 - Mascotte w/ Jakob & The Austerity Program, Zurich
Apr 26 - L'Epicerie Moderne w/ Jakob & The Austerity Program, Lyon (Feyzin)
Apr 27 - L'Autre Canal w/ Jakob & The Austerity Program, Nancy

www.isistheband.com

THURSDAY, APRIL 3 - $15.00

THE BAKED POTATO
3787 CAHUENGA BLVD., WEST
STUDIO CITY, CA. 91604
(818-980-1615)

Last Rites Gallery Grand Opening show:
Transgression: Grand opening group exhibition
Shawn Barber, Colin Christian, HR Giger, Michael Hussar, John John Jesse,
Travis Louie, Dan Quintana, David Stoupakis, Chet Zar & more.
(Show preview coming soon)
Opening Reception: Saturday, 4/5/08, 7:00pm-11:00pm.
Show runs April 3rd thru April 29th.
lastritesgallery

... and opening the same night in LOS ANGELES:

April 3 year Anniversary " Hive Avatar show - The Denizens of Hiveland"
over 100 artists present their avatars in "Hiveland" for a book:
"A Field Guide to the Denizens of Hiveland" to be published in June 2008
Saturday, April 5th- 8PM-1AM
$8 at door, all ages

729 S. Spring St. LA, CA 90014

thehivegallery

P.S. How about Danny's Jayhawks!

http://mandaladrum.com

VOTE

Or if my St. Paddy's link isn't correct: www.jackmadness.com

THE PACKAGE CONTAINS:

"HOLY TEARS" (album version)
"HOLY TEARS" (live from the Continental Airlines Arena with JUSTIN CHANCELLOR*)
"HOLY TEARS" (music video directed by Dominic Hailstone)
"NOT IN RIVERS, BUT IN DROPS" (REMIX by MELVINS/LUSTMORD)

*That night when Justin joined Isis on stage, Danny's drum tech Joe Paul (and a few members of Tool who shall remain anonymous played some pranks on their opening act - one being to put Johnson and Johnson's baby powder in Aaron Harris's hi hat so that he received steady puffs of fragrant 'smoke' during the first song, with the other being the condition of the dressing room after the band returned to it, "sweaty and thirsty" after their set. As it turned out, the dressing room had been 'magically' transformed into a Christmas scene, with all of the band's belongings gift wrapped and placed under a Christmas tree amid a floor of white peanuts 'snow.' Good times!

www.isistheband.com

You can also preview the video at the band's myspace page - www.myspace.com/sgnl05

E-MAIL

SUBJECT: ROLLING STONE

QUESTION: "Hey Blair, I'm sure you've received emails about this, but just in case you haven't... a Rolling Stone journalist said he did shots of Patron with Danny and Maynard at the Grammys and they told him there is a new album in the works. My heart skipped a beat when I read it. Do you have any insight to this rumor?"

REPLY: If Danny and/or Maynard told the guy that there was a new (Tool) album in the works, than who am I to say that it's not so? However, I can't help but wonder if these were decoy band members that attended the Grammys, or, even if they were the actual band members, was this record they were referring to merely a decoy album? As a de-facto ambassador (with or without the white robe of a Fair Witness), keep in mind what I wrote in the January 17th newsletter - namely that if you were to go looking for a band member on the Red Carpet, you better watch out not only for a large Venerian Dragon with a cockney lisp, but for SnARKS that are boojums! Still, if they really are dusting off the dry-erase 'arrangement' board over at the rehearsal space, perhaps it's once again time to remove the violet silk wrap of my faux bird's-eye maple deluxe edition 'talking board' and summon Obelisong, the "pleasant deliverer" of some '10,000 Days" tidbits a couple of years ago. Better yet, what do you say we just wait and see what unfolds over the next few months? Any pertinent news shall be posted in a timely fashion.

SUBJECT: TOOL & ROCK BAND

QUESTION: "I have been a faithful Tool fan for years now. They have inspired me in so many ways different ways. My question is do they have a problem with letting the makers of Rock Band add them to their DLC of music? I would love to sing along with Maynard and play along with Danny. I have bought their albums so many times it makes me sick to my stomach. In total I have purchased Lateralus seven times because of a loss of cd or stolen. Opiate and the other albums have been played so much they won't play anymore so I just buy another copy. Please convince them to allow the makers of Rock Band to add their music so us fans can sing along to the music."

REPLY: I hear you, dude. Sure beats the hell out of strumming a badminton racket without a whammy bar, pounding cookie tins, or trying to use an empty roll of toilet paper covered with aluminum foil as a microphone. Believe me, I've been desperately trying to convince them ever since the game came out... calling... emailing... sending text messages... calling. Yep, we're on the same page, bro... "Guitar Hero"/karaoke.... love it all! And how about all those people wasting their f***ing time trying to learn how to play a real instrument! Or write an original song! Virtual, baby, virtual band... that's where it's at... Instrument peripherals and over-f***in-drive score multipliers! Those squiggly-looking things scrolling on the screen... Badass tattoos... adjustable hair and body physiques... Don't know about you, but I'm currently on a world tour, playing endless set lists and spending tons of cash in the rock shop. All I can say is that hopefully someday the guys in the band will give their consent, and then we'll all be rocking out in the irised spotlight! I know I'd be all over that like dingleberries on an armless... Oh... also, dude, you might want to put the band's music on an iPod or something... an MP3 player, seeing how you keep having to buy new cds and stuff.

(Note: If anyone detects a hint of sarcasm, it's only because I suspect the e-mailer might just be the president of MTV Games, or who ever it is that makes Rock Band. Nice f***ing try guy).

SUBJECT: JUST WONDERING

QUESTION: "Where does MJK come up with his verses? Interesting."

REPLY: With regards to the Venerian Dragon named Sir Isaac Newton, what I didn't mention, however, is that, in a pouch under his voder, it had spectacles that "see through the thickest mist." These, I'm told (see "The Number of the Beast" by Robert A. Heinlein) were invented by his friend, Professor Wogglebug. Now, as many of you know, Wogglebug (who can't swim, by the way) also invented (and patented) certain little tablets of learning that are to be eaten after a meal (preferably with a glass of golden Arizona sunshine congealed into purple tears) so that one may be taught things almost instantaneously (thereby allowing time for other, more recreational, things), Among the assortment of these tablets of learning is one that teaches how to write in a beautiful hand, and when combined with the spectacles... well... you see. Good thing for Tool enthusiasts that he didn't eat the ones for boating and algebra! So there you have it... little tablets of learning that teach one things "in the twinkling of an eye." I was going to say "in the shower", but the truth should be known...

SUBJECT: S1t2a3r585w3a3r1s. TOP SECRET?

"I believe I have found a connection with the timings of the three albums "Aenima", "Lateralus", and "10000 Days" and the three Star Wars films "A New Hope", "The Empire Strikes Back", and "Return of the Jedi". The timings are as follows:

28:31 Track 10.
39:31 Track 3.
58:31 Track 2.
126:49 Track 8.
115:49 Track 10.
145:13 Track 5.
147:13 Track 5.
155:05 Track 5.

10000 Days: Return of the Jedi.
Lateralus: Empire Strikes Back.
Aenima: A New Hope.

I have watched them all over again and again, and each time I find new match ups between the two. Does any of this mean anything to you? Or am I just a Tool fanatic searching for clues where there are none to be found?

P.S. If there really is a connection, do you want me to keep it a secret?"

REPLY: What, you a Tool fanatic? No way! You don't at all strike me as the type who would join a fan site just for a chance at concert post-sales. I know that some people will tell you that any connections between albums, Tool or otherwise (i.e. the Dark Side of Oz effect), that sync up with films are purely coincidental rather than intentional, but I'm not one of them. About the synchronicity of the Tool albums with Star Wars films, the answer is a resounding... yes. And yes, you should keep it a secret. You must keep it a secret. Now, I want you to turn off your CD player and TV... go outside in the sun and look at the hill. It's so beautiful.

SUBJECT: TOOL TOWELS

QUESTION: "I just woke from my usual afternoon nap and had an epiphany: Why don't Tool make some beach towels or bath towels for their fans/shop. What a wonderful idea I thought to myself imagining the 10,000 Days 'head' on my black and white towel alongside their current logo... (I would gladly forgo credit for a free one as thanks for thinking of the idea). Awesome."

REPLY: Shame you weren't around when Van Halen was... well... before Valerie was a corporate shill for Jenny. Would you settle for a nice lenticular keychain?

SUBJECT: BLU-RAY

COMMENT: "Many people want a live concert blu-ray."

REPLY: Okay, who's on your wish list? John Mayer? Michael Buble? Dixie Chicks.?..

SUBJECT: 10,000 DAYS... SATURN

QUESTION: "The Saturn year is approximately 10,000 Days long. Saturn is often symbolized as aspiritual essence that demands the utmost potential out of the person, and the removal of the ego. I think Tool is trying to create the "Great Work", to help humans guide onto a higher plane of consciousness. Saturn comes back around to let us know if we are fucking up, in the form of revelation and difficult questions. I think this is very much connected to 10,000 days, in the urgency to remove the ego and recognize that we are all one with everything and everyone else. Once we all can reach this state of understanding, we will realize that there is no need for monetary or religious institutions, furthermore freeing mankind from the common burdens of existence. Removal of Ego, recognizing all as one, rejuvenate as a more proficient, highly evolved, self-generating organism... or face complete destruction. I think Lateralus and 10,000 days tell the same story in different depths. Please let me know how far off base I am."

REPLY: You're thinking... Perhaps, not as much as the person with the Tool beach towel, but nevertheless you're thinking. Much appreciated.

SUBJECT: IJYNX, DMT & JAYNES

QUESTION: "I noticed that your book is no longer in the Tool shop. Is there anywhere else I might find it? Also, would you care to recommend any other books, sites, or articles relating to the release of DMT in the brain other than Strassman's? You mentioned in the SubRosa article certain frequencies attainable by meditation that might facilitate this release. I don't have the means to access an EEG device, but I have been experimenting with binaural beats and the Brainwave Generator program. Would these frequencies fall within the Theta/Delta range (<7 Hz)? This brings to mind Julian Jayne's The Origin Of Consciousness In The Breakdown Of The Bicameral Mind and "the veil" between the two hemispheres of the brain. A response to one or all of these questions would be much appreciated."

REPLY: While in the process of moving, I recently found a few mint (unopened) copies of "Ijynx" and I believe they might now be in the store on the Tool site. With regard to any frequencies that act as tryptamine triggers, in a forthcoming publication I discuss a series of magical operations that were designed to 'trick' the brain into releasing certain endogenous tryptamines. For now, I'll just say that the mechanics of the ritual (sonic and visualization techniques, etc.) were specifically timed to coincide with the minima of the famous eclipsing binary star ALGOL (Beta Persei), and involved the Operator projecting one's self into the astronomical constellation "Triangulum." However, along with the instructions comes a warning about 'tampering' with the autonomic nervous system, and how the greatest precautions should be taken (remember what Crowley cryptically wrote in "LIBER LI" - "If you pay sufficient attention to your heart, you will make it palpitate.") As for Julian Jaynes' book, some interesting ideas can also be found in "The Lost Secret of Death: Our Divided Souls and the Afterlife" by Peter Novak, but these don't involve any means by which to release the 'mother load' that you seek.

SUBJECT: DANNY'S SHIRT

QUESTION: "There is a picture of Danny (by Rynne) posted on the 12th of Feb and he has a cool shirt with all these cool leaves of my favorite plant on it. Every year my work has a luau with a Hawaiian shirt contest. I have been trying to find such a shirt so that I can win this contest. Please help!"

REPLY: He found it in the garment district in downtown L.A. Long long ago in a galaxy far far away a certain female someone was giving Danny a bit of grief about not wearing a dress shirt when out to dinner at a restaurant (instead of the more casual tee that he normally wore), and that shirt was his rather ingenious response.

SUBJECT: DANNY= FIVE

QUESTION: "Even the shirt in the latest picture has five leaves (coincidence?). I noticed that the pictures in the cd booklet were #'d up to six, but unsure why. The last newsletter and accompanying picture may be the clue I was looking for. Oriented 90 degress off, using the arrows on the arms as a guide, the doodle appears to be someone sitting down, with a circle around the hand, and the five marks indicate (possibly) page five would be a good place to start. I also noticed the true-lines pointing to the blue towel, and possibly the initials DC in the head of the folded pencil. I can't tell what's in his hand yet, but I'll be attempting to find out. Anyway, having a great time...two weeks out from my latest shoulder surgery and I have extra time on my hands. I always enjoy a good newsletter. Sorry if this sounded disoriented. I'm a little fuzzy from the meds and lack of sleep/proper diet."

REPLY: While it is true that I was attempting to communicate something with that photo, the damn "blue towel" that you mention inexplicably lit up a jay and kept moving 'out of place', all the while mumbling something about "not knowing what was going on..."

SUBJECT: TIBETAN SINGING BOWLS

QUESTION: "A while back you mentioned something about a Tibetan singing bowls CD and that a combination of unusual metals were used in them. I can't find that anymore. Could you direct me to the right place?"

REPLY: Yes, I know, clicking on the 'past news archives' is quite a hassle. The CD is entitled "PRANAH" by Mark Biehl. Coincidently enough, Mark has written an article about Tibetan singing bowls in the Spring (current) issue of "Light of Consciousness" magazine (available at the big chains such as Borders, Barnes & Noble, etc). Even more info about the CD can be found at Mark's website . I'm certainly NOT suggesting that anyone actually does this, but wouldn't it be fun to break into your typical 'top 40' AM radio station and force the DJ to play a CD that features 60 + minutes of Tibetan singing bowls (without saying anything) to it's pop audience! Same with something like ELP's "Toccata" from "Brain Salad Surgery" (on repeat, of course). Just dreaming...

SUBJECT: JAYWALKING TICKETS

QUESTION: "How much was the jaywalking ticket that you and Danny got?"

REPLY: As I wrote on the check: One hundred and twenty-three dollars and not one goddamn cent more.

SUBJECT: ADJUSTING THE REFLECTOSIGHT IN THE SANCTUM SANCTORUM

QUESTION: "What are the dimensions of your "reflecto-sight" or is an object that isn't 3-dimensional? Also, would you be willing to describe the set up that the band has in their own sanctum sanctorum? A couple friends and I have been interested in the concept of "sacred space" where higher beings are able to cross onto our plane of existence? Is there any particular items that help to attract certain beings and conversely, any particular items that help to deter certain beings? Thank you and Much Help."

REPLY: Sorry, but both my reflecto-sight and the band's are more secret than the burgers on the menu at "FireFly." Suffice it to say, my beamish friend, if any entities appear on a scorcher of a day bearing black Popsicles, they shall immediately be banished to their place of origin, if you get my meaning.

SUBJECT: DVD

QUESTION: "Well, I'm sure you get this question a lot, but is tool ever going to release a collection of their music videos and live performances on to a dvd? (not salival). I wish they would, I mean there's always bootlegs but I'd rather buy it from Tool! Thanks!

REPLY: No problem. Actually, I don't get that question too often - maybe a couple of times over the last 8 years. To answer you, though: I think at some point they will release one, but first they're working on a new Tool beach (or bath) towel, and this, of course, is causing them to spend a lot of time and energy (what with the design and such, along with those decoy towels placed on various beaches in the world to foil the plans of any would-be bootleggers out there). But, yes, someday perhaps if there's a market for it. Rest assured, however, that I will keep you and other fans up to date about any developments with the new beach (or bath) towel.

SUBJECT: LAYERS OF DIMENSIONS

COMMENT: "Can one "see" those who traverse out of this conscience dimension, the milliseconds that it takes to ease the synapse reaction time, perhaps, to move back and enter that millimeter of regression, and still exist in both dimensions? Is the presence of this ability the driving force of conscience, while society feeds us only the constant regression of logic to keep at bay those with this ability? As a form of population control? If the true potential of interdimensional travel, ie existing in both realms which in turn drives multidimensional levels of "presence" is pushes consciousness the millimeter it needs to receive and grow, then why have multi-dimensional creatures as the snark, infiltrated more of the continuum? Is it a "hidden" gem inside our minds capability? Could we then "mirror" this idea through a man made machine to speed past the speed of light which "enters" the millimeter it needs to traverse the next "layer" of dimensional reality. This might also explain all of those right angle crafts seen over Groom Lake. Re-entering "this dimension" via extreme speed but a milli-second behind. Happening so fast it only "appears" to happen in "real time" Interesting to say the least Mr. Blake. Very interesting."

REPLY: All I can say is: watch out the next time someone sits down by you at the bar and orders a "coke and olives."

SUBJECT: 'NEIL' HAMBURGER

QUESTION: "Where can I find a decent chili dog in L.A? I don't like tough 'snappy' dogs like those served at "Pink's" or elsewhere in this palm-infested dystopia. I'm looking for something old school like Dog N Suds or James Coney Island. Do you have a clue or am I going to have to install a continua widget in a taxi and set the verniers for 1970s Nova Scotia?"

REPLY: I don't know what this has to do with the band, but frankly (hehe) I've been wondering the same thing. Wondering on an almost daily basis. Hopefully someone out there can enlighten 'both' of us? (Note: I sometimes reply to my own e-mail sent to the site.)

SUBJECT: SOLUTION TO PUZZLE

COMMENT: "Quetzalcoatl is returning, closing the great cycle and foreshadowing the completion of the Great Work. What is false will die so Truth can be born."

REPLY: Looks like someone read "A Psychedelic Apocalypse" by Daniel Pinchbeck in "DARKLORE, VOLUME 1" (please visit www.dailygrail.com). Well, for those of us who plan on getting married on December 22, 2012 e.v., I certainly hope not. What ever happened to a good old- fashioned doomsday scenario? Like my coffee, I'll take my doomsday black and without sugar...

SUBJECT: TOOL IN IRAQ

QUESTION: "Blair, while enjoying beers at my favorite (soon to be no more) watering hole over the weekend, a gentleman who claimed to be a marine told me that he recently saw TOOL in Iraq. I had never heard about this show. While I can believe that this show wasn't reported in the media, or on this site, I find it hard to believe that I would not have read something of the show on this site-unless of course it happend in another dimension. Was this casual acquaintance pulling my leg, or will you please confirm that the show did occur?"

REPLY: If he wasn't pulling your leg, my best guess is that the guy saw the band perform in Turkey (rather than in another dimension - Marines in another dimension... wouldn't that be the Navy?), but, I'm curious, did he h